I guess the heading above says it all. I am really too tired to type much. But I think I have come to the realization that I need to take a sick day soon. I'm exhausted and I can't seem to catch up on ... well, everything. I think I have only taken one sick day this semester which probably isn't bad for a person going through all this cancer crap (keep in mind I hardly ever take a sick day when everything is normal). It sort of feels like when you are coming down with a cold or the flu and you start to get that "haze" of flu-iness. But I haven't been able to shake it off for weeks. I can still "perform" but everything take so much more energy.
One of my co-workers at school, Mary, was diagnosed with breast cancer (stage 2) a few weeks ago and had her masectomy on Monday. I just got an email from one of her friends saying she won't be back to teaching for the entire school year (not just this semester). Something must have went wrong but I don't know any details yet. I feel like crap because not only is she a friend (someone I have worked with for 10 years) but ... I was sort of jealous of her on Monday because everyone in her department (she's not in the English department) was so concerned and focused on her surgery. I don't mean to come off sounding like a little kid who is pouting but I went through two surgeries this summer and, other than few pals at work, mine went by without notice. I know this confession puts me at risk of sounding like a little baby but I have been busting my butt to come across as healthy and normal and I sort of miss the support that Mary so deservingly, of course, got. Yes, I sound like a three year old. And then to find out that she is sicker than originally thought, well, that just makes me feel angry at myself for acting like a big, old baby. Mary is one of the kindest, sweetest people I know at SWIC, and it's not far that she has to go through this. So now I feel sad and a bit pissed at my own selfishness.
I just finished radiation #5 this afternoon. 28 more to go. I think I will feel better when those numbers are reversed.