A Little Video Pause While Grading!

Check out this fabulous video created by the students who are members of WRIT 110, under the direction of Binghamton University Writing Initiative faculty member, Sean Fenty.  (WRIT 110 is a bridge course designed to motive first-generation college students, English language learners, and others enrolled in our Educational Opportunity Program).  I think these students are quite inspiring!  Maybe I could look into having my students do something like this next semester?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=byCbrRPzMms

And now back to grading papers and editing dissertation chapters!

Wednesday of Finals Week!

So here I am in the middle of finals week.  And here is what is on my brain:



1.  I think I have messed up the conclusion of my dissertation.  It's like my brain has just gone "off."  So, of course, as I am googling a phrase like "What do I need to think about in terms of a dissertation conclusion?" almost everything I encountered started with the words, "The conclusion is the most important chapter in your dissertation ..."  Just what I need to hear.  Thanks, karma.  So I did the best I could muster this weekend but I don't think it's all that brilliant.  But I guess it is as done as I am going to get right now.  At any rate, I will be sending the fabulous Dr M all my chapters by this weekend.  The major writing -- I think -- is done.  Now I need to proofread and edit a bit -- and then be prepared to do (a lot) more of this editing once the chapters come back to me.  At this point, I am feeling like "Tell me what to change and I will change it; no questions asked!"

2.  On Monday we got bad news about our two remaining cats.  Katie (Jim's cat) apparently has a rather large mass near her kidney area.  We won't know if it's cancer without a super expensive test but Dr Lewis (our fabulous vet) seems to think that it doesn't really matter if it's cancer or not at this point -- it is still bad.  And it is going to get worse.  So we had some blood work taken (ching! ching!) and we will probably have to make the decision to put her to sleep in January.  We certainly don't want her to suffer but still.  This sort of hurts.  And then there is Zora, my cat.  The best guess from her strange behavior (and weird eyes, a new symptom) is that she has a brain tumor.  Again, an expensive test would tell us for sure.  So, we will probably need to make the decision to euthanize her as well, though I think her situation isn't as dire and we can wait a few more months.  I have had Zora almost 16 years.  Losing her will probably be more difficult for me.  In some ways, she is all that I have left from my pre-Jim days.

3.  Final research papers are exploding out of my ears!  This semester I taught four sections of ENG 102 (big mistake on my part) and now I am busily reading final research papers that have been a bit depressing.  What happened to the great purpose/ Research Questions I have been seeing in the preliminary work?  Where are the sources that are balanced and insightful?  (One student used 6 sources from about.com, something he didn't have in his better written Annotated Bib).  Where did I fail these folks?!  Though there are some fabulous papers, so far the majority are not very good.  I am taking this as proof that I need to rework the way I teach ENG 102 and try to find a better way of engaging these students.  I think many of the assignments I designed work well (esp. the survey and interview portions) but I need to see if there is a more effective approach all around.  So basically I am saying that this gives me something to "do" during the break.

But here are some good things to look forward to!  I will soon get to spend gobs of time with Jim (yeah!) and I get to take a quick trip with my pal Peggy (yeah!) and our little house high in the sky could use some deep cleaning (since I have been distracted with the dissertation).

On to the Conclusion!

Okay, so this weekend is conclusion time.  Here is the pro:  I have been dumping all kinds of odds and ends into the "conclusion" document I had already created a few weeks ago.  Con:  It's in no particular order and much of it might be crap.  One more con:  I sort of feel like I am "done" in terms of energy.  So probably my biggest obstacle is just getting the last one big burst of energy and finding the enthusiasm to prove to my readers, "Yes, this was an important piece of research and let me show you why it's important."  Before embarking on this next writing task, I did a little Googling to see exactly "what" (generally) people do in a dissertation conclusion:

Apparently, the final chapter in your dissertation should include recommendations.  I think I can do that -- what? Share my opinion with others?  I think I can manage that part with my big mouth!

Based on several web sites that I looked at, it looks like you can further break the chapter down into a number of subsections (I am not sure how strictly I need to stick with this but I suppose it gives me something to aim for)

Introduction – introduce the chapter to the readers and include such things as what this chapter will review and summarize the dissertation research, identify the main methods used and discuss their implications in the study.

Problem statement and Methodology – present the problem statement as you have presented it in the first chapter (what was the problem and what did you want to achieve). You should then review the methodology, in detail, but without repeating anything that you have already said (How in the world am I supposed to do that?).  You will need to review the methodology so that it provides enough information to the reader about the methodology so that they don’t have to go and read this chapter independently.

Results of Summary – You should keep this section brief and identify the result with a general statement paragraph which it then followed by another paragraph that supports the evidence collected. You should avoid interpretation here and thus be objective about the results.

Discussion of Results – You should discuss the meaning of the results here, in brief, and highlight any important areas that you have identified. You should also look at the different things that the study means and how this is evaluated to the overall understanding in your dissertation.

Recommendations – You will want to keep this section brief and maybe to one paragraph or two, and explain what, from the research that has been conducted, there will be recommendations to the organizations or, if you are presenting to academia, then what further research should be conducted in the future.

(Dissertation monster is comin' to get me!)

And so there you go.  I might already have some of this written.  I feel like I am already starting to repeat myself a little but ... oh, well.  Once this chapter is done (By Sunday night!) -- on to some editing and proofreading!

Beware of the Swear Words!

Question: What would make these last two of major dissertation writing just that much more difficult?

Answer:  The fuckin' flu!

I know I had a lot of enthusiasm last week that I would be able to finish the major writing on a strong note (remember the "I can see light at the end of the tunnel?" business?).  Well, I am thinking some stupid semi just pulled up ahead and it is blocking the gosh darn light!  Just to help me work out what is making me feel stressed, here is a list of "problems" I am encountering this week:

1.  The before-mentioned flu.  I guess I caught it from Jim (who has had a bad time of it for a week+) and this has completely interrupted my sleeping, my ability to breath, and my head.  Fuck the flu.

2.  End-of-the-semester Research Projects in my ENG 102 classes.  I have never taught four sections of ENG 102 (and might I add, four very full sections of 102) and I am beginning to understand why this was not the best idea in terms of scheduling.  In my books, ENG 102 is harder than ENG 101 (for both the student and the instructor).  There is a heck of a lot of "mind work" with assessing how students are artfully creating research discussions and you have to read it using 100% of your mind (at least to do it well).  Being this on for 80+ students at the moment is a little hard.

3.  Dissertation Girl is starting to hate her project.  I hope this is normal.  I am pretty much "done" -- as of this afternoon -- with Chapters 1-5.  Now I have to shape and mold all the notes I have for Chapter 6 (the conclusion!).  I know there are some problems with some of the sections in the first five chapters but fuck it.  This perfectionism thing is dragging me down right now.  I am willing to settle for okay (at least, for now!).

4.  My own stupidity.  Related to #3, what is up with me using sources in any of my dissertation chapters and I for some freakin' reason didn't add the source to my ever-evolving Works Cited "chapter"?  This means, of course, that I am wasting huge amounts of time tracking down sources that I should have already noted.  Grow a brain, Dianna!

5.  Other obligations.  Our family this year decided to buy gifts for a family we adopted instead of buying gifts for each other.  By next Friday, I have to deliver all the items to the case worker for the family we adopted under the "100 Neediest Cases."  Jim and I just bought the items for the mom (who we "adopted") but I haven't wrapped them (do we even have wrapping paper?).  So now I have to connect up with Jim's sisters and mother and try to collect everything together and make the delivery.  I know this is the best possible "gift" that we could have given ourselves for Christmas, but is it bad that there is a small part of me that wishes I were getting gifts for Christmas instead of doing this family adoption?  (OK, even typing that out makes me feel selfish but it's probably because something that wasn't supposed to be a "burden" is beginning to feel like a burden).

6.  No exercise the last week or so because of #1.  I recognize this makes me grumpy.  Fuck it.

OK, I think I am done (and hopefully, done with saying "Fuck it" every three minutes!).  I am just bummed (mostly) that I got sick during the one time in my life that I can't get sick -- right now!  Just the thought of thinking I could be done with this dissertation was so tempting to believe last week -- now it feels a little bit further away.  However -- the show will go on!  I just have to do three things by next week:

1.  Finish the conclusion
2.  Make sure my in-text sources line up with my Works Cited
3.  Do some amount of proofreading and editing so Dr M at least understands my overall point.

I can do this, right?  Just one more shove of energy?

Light at the End of the Tunnel!

Yikes!  So here it is -- the end of November.  And let me just say .... I am feeling pretty good dissertation-wise!  Perhaps I have finally hit my stride because I am spending huge amounts of time (when I am not teaching or grading) working on Chapters 5 and 6.  And the best part is that what I am coming up with is at least okay (as far as I can tell!).  This week I pretty much focused in finishing up the Analysis (Chapter 5).  I have a few more small things to insert but I think that section is now pretty much done -- for now (because I am sure there will be some editing and changes that will be happening after that fabulous Dr M takes a look!).

If you all remember, pre-Thanksgiving Break I tried to think about these last two big sections as two 20 page papers (making this task not seem so impossible since I have written several 20 page papers in my academic life on many occasions, especially near the end of a semester!).  And maybe that was just the bee in my butt that I needed!  Right now, the analysis chapter is sitting at about 25-26 pages and the last chapter (the conclusion!) is at about 22.  I have so far just been "dumping" mini-discussions into my conclusion and I haven't had the chance to shape and mold it too much yet (the fun I am saving for this weekend and all of next week!).  So -- the point in telling you all this?!  I am not worried about page numbers at this point -- right now, I just want to make sure that I have something interesting (dare I say "intellectual"?) to share with the folks in my field.

My deadline to complete the basic chapters is December 21 and I think I should make that (though the superstitious part of me is knocking on wood as I say this!).  I am hoping, then, that I can finish a little bit early and join my friend Peggy for a short holiday in Chicago around the 17 or 18th of December with total relaxation in mind -- before I came back to the dissertation in January, make any needed big changes, defend (maybe in Feb or March?), and then graduate! (in May?).  I haven't been thinking about this stuff too much before now because I haven't wanted to jinx anything -- and maybe I am jinxing things a little but it is so nice to see a little light at the end of the tunnel -- finally!

Chapter 5/ Chapter 6 Update

If you look back at my last entry, I had high hopes for the days off during the Thanksgiving holiday.  And here I am on the other side of those days off with ... well, I am thinking not exactly bad news but not exactly good news either.  The goal -- if my dear readers might remember -- was to complete Chapter 5 (the Analysis Chapter!) and then I would be left with just one more section to write, Chapter 6 (Conclusion!).  And as far as pages are concerned, I guess I was shooting for about 2 twenty page papers (one twenty page chapter for each of these two remaining sections).

What I have right now is about 16 pages of Chapter 5 and about 20 pages of Chapter 6.  My unhappiness is simply in the fact that I wanted to be done with the analysis -- I wanted this section to be off my back 100%!  And it's not!  If I thought writing that darn methodology chapter was hard, I had no idea what was coming with these darn results!  But tonight I did a lot of brainstorming (which students do I want to mention?  Which sentences that they wrote?  What patterns to they fall into?) and I guess I just need to sit down over the next couple of days and just pound this out. I have a bunch of sub-sections (I guess you could call them?) but I am struggling with how to order all this information.  And I don't sound "smart" as I am walking through and explaining my interpretation -- that is probably one of the "monkeys on my back" right now that I need to get rid of.  It is so hard to write when you hear this whispered voice saying, "You are stupid -- they are going to hate this."

By the time, I attack  the conclusion I think it will be fine -- I have been dumping sections that I thought at the time were analysis into the conclusion (that is how that chapter just started growing and growing!).

OK, break over -- back to playing with the analysis ..... ugh ......

R.I.P. ModPo

So my ModPo class is over (for those not in the know, this was a free MOOC that I have been taking for the past 10 weeks at coursera.org).  I heard about the MOOCs on coursera.org via some conversations on Ted Talks and I am so glad that I happened to stumble on this web site -- and these opportunities for free, online courses.

What have a learned in 10 weeks?  One answer to this question has to do with teaching.  Al Filreis, the instructor for ModPo, was brilliant.  He does the kind of careful reading approach that I use in literature classes but ... he reminded me that I need to slow down.  Since I use primarily novels, sometimes I forget that slowing down and "playing with" passages can be a great activity to do.  For example, when my LIT 205 class was reading Maryse Conde's I, Tituba not too long ago (she is a fabulous, fabulous Caribbean writer!), I picked a few important passages (at least ones I thought were saying "something"), collected 10 dictionaries from around our building (for each of the ten students in the class), and gave each of them one of the passages.  I then asked them to look up any of the key words in the passage -- even if they thought they already knew the word in question -- and see what connections they might be able to make about this isolated passage.  The results were fabulous -- we had a fantastic conversation about language and words and power and all that good stuff!  I think I was doing something like this activity already but ... I needed that reminder to slow down even further so the students (and me!) get the chance to wrap our heads around that Conde might be trying to do with her novel.

So from a teaching perspective, I learned how to be a more effective educator.  But that's not all, of course -- the other new quality in my life is a renewed appreciation for poetry, a form of literature that has often scared me a little.  I think there is a part of me that has always been drawn to poetry (probably one reason I love connecting up with the St Louis Poetry Center) but -- since I don't see myself as a poet -- sometimes I have felt that (1) I can't hang out with poets since I am not one of the crowd and (2) that poetry is just one of those puzzles that I am never going to "get."  So the challenge in taking this course was letting go of the emotional turmoil that poetry often brings in the door.  And did I mention that I was taking this MOOC at the same time, of course, as trying to complete a dissertation?  But maybe there was something about tackling something hard (poetry!) and then taking that same energy to something equally hard (my dissertation!).  Certainly, the poetry we looked at has given me a new sense of the power of language and how it can be used and manipulated to capture "truth."  I have already integrated a lot of "classic" poems into my upcoming Spring 2013 American Literature class.

The information in ModPo altered the way I think about poetry.  Sure, I was already pretty acquainted with Emily Dickinson and Walt Whitman but I love the way that our instructor brought these two poets together.  Now a lot of the more modern poetry we looked at (like Erica Baum and the imagists like H.D.) make so much more sense to me when you see the ancestry of American poetry in the way that Filreis explained (and set it up).  And William Carlos Williams!  Wow!  Of course, I knew "The Red Wheelbarrow" but this guy was/ is amazing!

Since ModPo became my hour or so of mindless television (since Jim and I don't have cable), I knew a few days ago that I was going to need to find something like ModPo to help me keep learning and writing and all that fun stuff.  So .....

I have already started another MOOC -- this time it is through udemy.com.  This professor - -Dr Amy Hungerford from Yale University -- is conducting a MOOC on the American Novel since 1945.  I can already tell you that this MOOC will take me longer than 10 weeks (especially with a looming dissertation deadline!).  I have already listened to the first lecture (about a 45 minute introduction to the course and the ideas/ themes behind the course) and I just finished the first reading (Richard Wright's BLACK BOY which I first read as an undergraduate many years ago!) so I will be able to tackle the next video lecture soon! (each lecture is about 45 minutes so I will need to be careful about putting this time into my schedule).

But for today?!  I am about to start and intensive four days of writing!  I WILL finish the analysis chapter!  (and then just the conclusion to go!)