Here I am!

So here I am at the end of April and I have not been updating this blog on a regular basis at all!  :<

I know that writing here is a positive step in writing my dissertation.  Just writing a few words a day helps me get into that all-important writing "groove."

So what is going on in my life at this very moment?!  Last week, I participated in the first virtual seminar for the Dartmouth Seminar that I will be attending in NH from July 30-August 10.  As usual, I left the experience feeling like a total dork, thinking that my research is nothing compared to the other people involved in the seminar.  I just don't think I am very good at explaining -- on the spot -- what it is that I am trying to do with my dissertation research (and maybe this is because I am a terrible public speaker and I am not 100% sure of what I am trying to do anyway).

Other than the Dartmouth stuff, my head is also focused on the last two weeks of the Spring 2012 semester here at SWIC.  This week, in fact, is the last full week of the semester and I have a "to do" list that is a mile long!

Running wise I am struggling (just did another 5K yesterday) but right now my head needs to be wrapped around dissertation "stuff" -- not running.  I do have a few races coming up but I promised myself that I would limit myself to just a few events and, instead, concentrate on writing.

And with those words, I need to hop off this blog and start doing some work.  I will be back soon!

Do you all remember me?!

How in the world did it get to April 12th already?!?!

So first -- yes, indeed, I am alive.

Second, I am still trying to catch up from all the fun of helping to organize the 4C's Conference in March (4C's - Conference on College Composition and Communication, the professional organization for college writing teachers!). The conference was held just a block or two from our place downtown and I was pretty busy as part of the local committee (but don't get me wrong -- it was a great opportunity to help an organization that has helped me so much!).

Right now, I have about 5-6 weeks until the end of the semester so I am super busy on the teacher front. And, on top of that, I have little jobs to complete for the 2012 Dartmouth Summer Seminar for Composition Research (to be held in Hanover, NH, from July 30-August 10). This seminar will help me -- I think! -- in getting this dissertation done and completed by the end of this year. I am struggling the most with my theoretical framework and methodology and it looks like the seminar will offer a lot of help and direction (from famous folks in the field). The only negative (sort of) is that there are tons of readings and virtual meetings that take place before we even step foot in Dartmouth.

And one more "new" scheduling issue -- physical therapy. I finally had an MRI done on my back and we discovered four issues -- arthritis, bursitis in my left hip, muscle strain, and a bulging disc. Fun, eh? I just started going to PT two times a week and the therapist said that some of this was bound to happen at some point because (according to their tests) I have a weak back and core. So now I get to spend my mornings and evening doing about a million exercises (some of them rather hard) trying to get my lower back and hip back on friendly terms with me.

Sometimes I shy away from this blog because I think I am failing at completing my dissertation and I am just afraid to admit this. But you know what? I need to be more constant here -- writing something in this blog often bleeds over to me writing something dissertation-related.

Except at this moment -- now I have to go teach a few classes! :D

Guess Who is Back?

Well, here it is nearly the end of February and ... well ... my dissertation is not going so well. I guess the biggest issue at hand here is the fact that I teach writing FT and that takes an awful lot of energy. By the time I have finished a typical day in which I have taught class, tutored a bunch of students face-to-face to work on their writing, and then "attacked" papers and projects from all of my classes, I am honestly tired and not even close to being motivated enough to sit down.

And maybe writing would be easier if there weren't other "issues" -- I am not sure what is going on with my body but I am experiencing some difficulties with my lower back and my legs in general. I though that last year, just as I was finishing treatment, was my "rough year" in terms of getting back into exercising but it seems as if this year is much worse. My back is hurting a lot of the time -- anytime that I make a move that is a bit off balance, bam! There it is! I have even noticed that at work I am starting to feel my back a bit more, making it harder for me to get down on my knees to help students on the computer (and yoga is nearly impossible right now). My running times are way off and I am gaining weight (mostly because I am not working out as much as I usually do).

And then there is the 4C's conference coming up for March 21-25. Don't get me wrong -- I am absolutely delighted that I have been able to help as much as I have been doing -- it's just that I didn't know how much work I was getting myself into. Luckily, a lot of the prep work for the conference is done now (I have a few documents to proofread for a March 1 deadline). Things will be much crazier once the conference arrives, but for now. Just waiting for the hoards of nice folks who will be hanging out downtown!

So here is one positive step in ferociously attacking "the diss." With Jim's support, we switched our TV room with our living room/ reading room. So that means Jim has lost his "man cave" for now. This way, I can spread out the enormous amount of articles I have accumulated and start getting the damn thing done.

I'm not sure what has been going on with me lately. My body feels as tired as my mind. I know a part of it is that I can't call my pal, Les, the one person who has been there for 20 years in guiding me toward this dissertation (he died just over a year ago). I have great support from friends, Jim, and Dr M (advisor extraordinaire!) but something in me has just not been "on."

Well, that is about to change. Even writing here is enough to get me a tad bit more motivated. Watch out world -- here she comes!

Quick Book Review of Sorts!

I just finished my second novel from the perspective of a biracial girl this month. (and I have reviews of them both under the "Books" link above). But I don't think I can kid myself that this is actually working on my dissertation even if I found some great lines and zingers pertaining to race in both novels!

So here goes ....

The Girl Who Fell From the Sky by Heidi W. Durrow. I found this book on a best-selling novels table (at the cool independent bookstore, The Book Loft) while I was in a conference in Columbus, OH, this past October but just now got the chance to read it. The book caught my interest for several reasons -- it about a biracial girl (cool point number one), one of the main characters is named "Nella" after the fabulous author "Nella Larson" (cool point number two), and a good section of the book takes place in Oregon (good point number three). Though I wasn't crazy about the ending (I will let you decide if you like it or not), I loved the intrigue behind why this girl "fell from the sky." And there were some great lines (the author contributes to NPR on a pretty regular basis apparently). When the main character, Rachel, thinks about her Scandinavian heritage (her mom was from Denmark), she thinks, "I don't want being Danish to be something that I can put on and take off. I don't want the Danish in me to be something time makes me leave behind" (205).

Sorry. But I admit it. I stole someone's blog entry! So here it is. I read this entry this morning from the fabulous Popsicle Report -- Click here for the blog! -- and I realized that there was no way in heck I could replicate what she says here. Every single word of it rings true for me, too!

************************************************************************************

Day 1:

So I’m tooling along Cancer Road. Don’t want to be here, but at least I’m past the multicar pile-up of surgery, chemo and radiation, and I’m picking up speed. Hope the rest of my trip is event-less. Man, it’s hard to drive with your fingers crossed.

Switching lanes now and – oops – wait! How did I end up on this ramp? I’m not supposed to get off this highway for another year or so, when I get to the exit marked “Dramatically Decreased Chance of Recurrence.”

Wait — what’s that brown sign? Looks like the ones that point to scenic attractions. Maybe a welcome sign?

Well, maybe not.

Welcome to Camp Hypochondria

No pets allowed

Aw, rats.

Somebody warned me about this place. A guy on the Road ahead of me. He said he got stuck there, but I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about then.

So here I am now, parked in the middle of a bunch of tents.

Looks like one of those Occupy campsites that were recently closed down. Maybe I’ll stay here for awhile and see what’s going on. I’ve got a tent in the trunk.

Day 2:

Here I am, lying awake on my cot.

Ouch!

What is that?

That ache in my wrist that woke me up.

Surely it’s not…

I get up quickly and look for my checklist, the one I made after talking with the oncologist at my last check-up. There it is, tucked away in my special Cancer Survivor backpack, the one I assembled after the end of radiation. I carry it around with my water bottle and dietary supplements. It’s got a special pocket for Good Humor.

Let’s see – what did the oncologist say?

Cancer doesn’t attack the joints, or recur below the elbows or knees. (“Everything else is fair game,” he said.)

Oh, so I guess that pain in my wrist is simply, what, arthritis? Or – no – maybe it’s degenerative joint disease, one of the side effects of chemo the naturopath told me about.

Or, maybe I just slept in the wrong position.

But just for security, let’s continue down the list.

The doc said that, if it spreads, breast cancer usually heads for the brain, lungs, bones, or liver.

So, let’s see:

No headache. Guess my brain’s OK (relatively speaking). Check.

Lungs? No cough or shortness of breath. Check.

Bones? No pain. Except for that wrist. But that’s a joint AND below the elbow. Double check.

And I’m hungry.

That’s a good sign. A good appetite and steady weight indicate a healthy liver.

But just to be sure, I’ll check my weight on the bathroom scale. I just happen to have one of those in my backpack too. (Mary Poppins would be so proud.)

Two pounds heavier.

What?!!!

I never gain weight (well, except for those pregnancies and that one summer at Girl Scout camp).

Uh-oh. Weight gain. Isn’t that one of the signs of ovarian cancer?? Sometimes breast and ovarian cancer are linked.

Rats — No trapdoor I can open into my body for a look inside.

OK, quick – pull on my shorts. If the waistband’s too loose, it could be weight loss from liver metastasis. But if it’s too tight — abdominal swelling can mean cancerous ovaries.

But these fit just right.

Oh.

Must have been that Halloween candy my son gave me from his trick-or-treat bag, and all that extra sitting writing blog entries like this one.

I dig again through my backpack, looking for what, I’m not sure. And I see it in writing – a folder with a label that reads “cancer.”

Oh wait. No. That says “career.”

Silly.

Last week I saw something written on my to-do list and I thought it too said “cancer.” But it was only my note to myself to cancel the newspaper. Yeah, I’d like to cancel cancer too.

I glance down and notice that small mole on my right calf. It disappeared during chemotherapy, but now it’s back.

Oh right, that’s below the knee, and therefore off limits.

Unless, of course, it’s . . . skin cancer.

I remind myself, as the oncologist said, that if today’s pain is new AND above the knees and elbows AND progressive, I should start the countdown. If the pain is still around after 2 weeks, I’m supposed to call him. I am amazed at how many pains can come and go from a body in the course of 2 weeks.

A few months ago, it was the lymph node under my jaw that was tender off and on for a month. Pressing on it (of course I did!) irritated my ear and sinus and I had some tingling along my nose and lips. I was sure this meant a brain tumor that was affecting my facial nerve. But then the air dried out and the molds disappeared and the node retreated into obscurity.

And that tender spot in my abdomen last fall turned out to be just a bladder infection.

If nothing else, all these false alarms are a test of how well I know my own anatomy. In the misguided process of trying to diagnose myself, I’ve discovered just where my liver and pancreas are and what they do. And now that I’m in menopause — not through the natural gradual descent but from a shove over the cliff by that villain chemotherapy – I wonder just where are those ovaries anyway? Everything in my body seems to have shifted. The joints work differently. Even my teeth don’t come together quite like they used to.

A yoga teacher once told me that, if we are spiritually healthy and mature, we grow in awareness. I don’t think this is the kind of awareness she meant.

I resent the way cancer has hijacked my thinking.

Hypochondria: It’s just another word for obsession.

“Presque tous les hommes meurent de leurs remèdes, et non pas de leurs maladies.”

Nearly all men die of their remedies, and not of their illnesses.

Molière: The Imaginary Invalid (1673), Act III, sc. iii

Happy New Year!

Hello everyone! Sorry to take so long in posting! Dissertation Girl is not dead! But -- It has been an amazingly busy last couple of months! The semester ended at SWIC -- which includes tons of grading, evaluating, conferencing, etc -- and then the holidays were here (which included me going off on a cruise with my good pal, Peggy!).

So here we are in January 2012. My one goal this year -- finish the dissertation!

Like I did before, I want to use this web space to write out and think through this enormously important time in my life ... finishing up the dissertation. But here are a few other things on my mind right now.

1. I found out earlier this month that I was accepted at the Dartmouth Composition Seminar (something I would have never been able to do without the dissertation help of the amazing Dr M, my advisor!). Here is a web link to the seminar: Dartmouth Seminar. This seminar is indeed at the one and only Dartmouth (in Hanover, NH) and so Jim and I will be making this our big holiday for the year. We rented this cabin near the college and will be staying there for the entire two weeks that I am studying and working at Dartmouth (Stella gets to come along to as the rental is dog friendly!). This seminar should help me finish up any crunching of data that I will still need to do dissertation-wise.

2. The 4C's Conference is March 21-24 in downtown St Louis (a mere block or two from our downtown loft) -- and I am serving on the Local Committee (as the official "Information Chair"!). This is a HUGE conference for we writing teacher types -- I would guess that about 3000 or so of us show up for this annual conference (information about the conference here!). I am working now at finding discounts from local businesses for this event! Once this conference gets going in March, I suspect that it will be eating tons of my time!

3. Triathloning (and a fair amount of half-marathoning!). Yep, I am back at it. I am determined to get better at this sport (and lose that darn cancer weight!). Right now I am doing an indoor triathlon series with a friend at the St Peter's Rec Plex in preparation for the outdoor tris that will be starting around May. Jim and I are off to Myrtle Beach, SC, so I can run the "Run Like a Diva" Half-Marathon on May 20 (again -- we will be taking a short vacation here and click here for the fabulous beach rental we found for the time we are there! And, again, it is a Stella-friendly rental!)

4. Just being the best teacher I can be! I am starting a new semester where I have changed and organized my developmental classes especially in the quest to find better ways of helping my students recognize the value of effective writing skills. I am not sure how it will all turn out by the end of the semester but this semester represents yet another attempt at experimentation!

5. Playing with Twitter and Linked. Because I have been lucky enough to have a few publication credits (and help out with some reviewing for the journal, Teaching English in the Two-Year College, I want to use that momentum to embrace the academic/ publishing world more fully. I am still trying to learn how to use hashtags and all that fun stuff on Twitter and I am trying to keep my Linked page updated. In a nutshell -- I need to keep myself more informed about what is going on -- and both of these social media forms appear to be great ways of staying on top of what's going on! So watch out world! Here I come!

PS: As I did last year, I am also going to use this space to keep track of my races (see new tab for 2012) and a new tab will organize all the books I read (I am sort of curious how many I read!)

Why You Should Read The Hunger Games!

So I just finished reading the first book in the series centering on heroine Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games. Katniss is the heroine of these young adult novels written by Suzanne Collins (this first book was published in 2008). The Hunger Games trilogy takes place in an unidentified future time period after the destruction of the current counties making up North America, in a "new" nation known as "Panem." Panem consists of a rich Capitol, located somewhere unknown in the Rocky Mountains, and twelve (formerly thirteen until one is destroyed) surrounding, poorer districts which cater to the Capitol's needs. As punishment for a previous rebellion against the Capitol (explaining the destruction of the thirteenth district), every year one boy and one girl from each of the remaining twelve districts, between the ages of twelve and eighteen, are selected by lottery and forced to participate in the "Hunger Games." These games are televised to the people of Panem and the winner is the last person (child) alive.



Yeah ... I know. This doesn't sound exaactly like young adult literature. Or even the type of fiction that I generally like. However, I had heard of The Hunger Games in passing the last few years when I would overhear conversations of students (or even academics) who would claim that Katniss was a much better female character than the popular Bella in the Twilight series (and films). I had actually tried reading the first Twilight book a few years back (on the suggestion of students) but I couldn't get past the first few chapters because (1) I thought the writing was so unedited and awful and (2) I just simply didn't like Bella. But when I was playing around with the Kindle app on my new ipad I downloaded a few free "first chapters" of some current bestsellers and the rest, well, is history. I fell into The Hunger Games and couldn't stop reading. Not only is this novel well-written, but Katniss is likeable and fun! (she sorta reminds me of Salander from Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series!)

I suppose one huge reason I liked the novel was the subliminal political message I saw brewing up beneath the surface of this supposedly youth novel (Occupy Wallstreet anyone?). Katniss is "playing" in the Games with Peeta, a boy from her district. It turns out that these two have known each other their whole lives (Peeta has had a long time crush on Katniss) but as you go further in the novel, the reader realizes that the death of either one of these characters would be truly awful (not that the deaths of the other gamers are actually desired either). Why do "the rules" need to be followed anyway? According to the rules of the Game, either Katniss or Peeta must die in order for the other to leave the arena (as they both end up the last two players). At one point a severly injured Peeta attempts to force Katniss to kill him. Katniss doesn't want to do this (and neither does the reader!). Because the Capitol must have a winner from the games to exhibit, Katniss suggests that they both eat poisonous Nightlock berries, and therefore die together. After placing berries in their mouth, they are hastily interrupted by the Games' host and both allowed to live.

However, since Katniss Everdeen has humiliated the Capitol and its rules (Oh no! She questioned authority!), she becomes a political target and inadvertently inspires a rebellion in the districts. She and Peeta make it back to their disctrict by the end of this first book but that is where it ends. As you can imagine, I am absolutely dying to read the next two books (which I will do once we make it to the holiday break in December! -- I have to focus the next month on work and school).

I suppose one could argue that I need to be spending the limited time I already have reading dissertation "stuff" and writing every chance that I get. I think I do sort of do this (though I could be more dedicated I agree) but this novel is the type of reading that I do when I have hit my bed and I am looking for about 30 minutes of good reading before I fall asleep. I didn't think, though, that I was going to be as excited about this novel as I got -- I love Katniss! And I am super excited to discover that there will be a film version of this novel coming out in March 2012 (featuring Jennifer Lawrence, Woody Harrelson, Stanely Tucci, Elizabeth Banks, and Lenny Kravitz!). I am no book critic, but I will encourage anyone looking for a good read to pick up the tale of Katniss Everdeen. If only more of our young women had a role model like this -- a teenager who is confident and knows what she wants! And if only more of our young people (like many of the Occupy Wallstreet protestors!) had such confidence and a willing attitude to change what they don't like!