Upcoming Conference = Intellectualism + Rest!

So tomorrow is an important day for me in the course of completing my dissertation -- I will be presenting my project's prospectus and making sure that all the committee members give me the green light! I actually wrote most of the prospectus more than a year ago, just before my cancer diagnosis, so completing this step is also sort of a symbolic way of saying "Life is back on track." I am a little nervous but I am also excited to get the chance to talk to folks about what I am doing and to get feedback on possible areas that I am neglecting. I was doing a pretty good job there for a few weeks in writing and working on the writing of the dissertation but then .... well, work got in the way. I have been evaluating essays and research steps non-stop for about three weeks now and it's hard to get motivated when I am done just because I am tired. However, tonight -- after my night class -- I will spending time rereading the entire prospectus one more time so I will be able to sound smart and sensible in the morning! :D

So I am off to Carbondale early tomorrow morning (about 2 hours+ from downtown St Louis). Also -- I think Jim and I will be camping this weekend so I will try and bring some articles with me to read -- but I think I might get some "real" time in this next week since I am off to a conference in Ohio -- the Teaching English in the Two-Year College Mid-West Conference in Columbus, Ohio, from October 13-15. I am doing a presentation titled "Writing a New Page as a Composition Instructor: Race in the Writing Classroom." Nothing new here since this is pretty much the research that I have been working on. I will be leaving on Thursday morning to make the trek to Columbus from here in St Louis (8-ish hours I think?) but the conference doesn't officially start until Friday morning. This means, of course, that I will have a quiet evening in the hotel to work on the dissertation -- and a bunch of time on Friday -- hopefully! There are some sessions in the program that look interesting but I will spend any free time just "being a student." It's so much easier to do that when you are away from home. The conference pretty much ends on Saturday at about noon and I will then reverse my trek and head home to St Louis (and this is how I will be spending my birthday! But -- no fears -- a friend who will be going to the same conference said that there is an IKEA on route! I sense a stop coming up! A birthday treat for myself!).

And I need a break. Conferences are so great for picking up new ideas but I am also recognizing that I am just plain tired and it's not even the middle of the semester yet! I think that teaching the extra classes -- and heading up the honors program -- is a lot for me right now, not even counting the dissertation writing and the sporting events. So a few night of doing "nothing" (though I am sure I will have some papers to grade) will do my body "good."

St Peter's Rec Plex Fall Triathlon

Here I am (with eyes closed!) hanging out with Amanda, the cool guru of triathlons at Fleet Feet Sports!

So the St Peter's Rec Plex Fall Triathlon was yesterday morning (Oct 2). And I finished! My overall time last year was 2:34:41. This year is was a wee bit faster at 2:24:24. I am excited that I shaved 10 minutes off but .... I finished in 10th place out of 11 women in my age group so it would have been nicer to have finished a little higher (OK, shoot me for being ambitious!).

Let's start with the swim! It is 500 meters in a Olympic-sized pool, a daunting task for me since I am a little afraid of the water. But, I have been working with a swim coach to help me with my Freestyle stroke and I shaved a few minutes of the swim this year (14:48 this year compared to last year's 18:02). It was a bit cold yesterday morning but the pool was nice and warm! (and since I had an early entry number -- #10 -- I got in the pool a little early and warmed up before the race started). A swimmer started every 15 seconds (it was a Serpetine swim) and once I got started, I remembered everything my coach said ... for about half the course. One, I got tired and, two, I saw the bottom of the pool and panicked a little. I got myself under control pretty quickly but it took almost the second half of the pool section of the race for me to get my rhythm back. And I was so delighted when I saw that I was on the last lap!

Out I went ... into the freezing cold outside! I decided to forgo the running tights I had brought to put on after the swim and just kept with my short tri bottoms but I did throw a long sleeved shirt on over my tri top. I then quickly changed into my bike shoes and threw on my helmet and ran through the tranistiion area with my bike. Once I crossed the line, I jumped on my bike! I got about a hundred feet or so when I realized that there was a problem -- my front tire was flat!

Damn. Jim and I had just fiddled with the tires before starting so I couldn't believe that there was a problem! I managed to jump off the bike and run back to the transition area (clicking like crazy in my bike shoes!) and, thankfully, Jim was there to reach over the fence to my stuff (yeah for thinking ahead on that one!) and grab the bike pump. Within a minute or two, Jim had me going again but both of us were not so sure that I was going to make 20 miles on that tire.

But I did! I knew I had a CO2 pump in my seat bag but I managed to make it back to the transition area after a pretty uneventful (but windy!) bike ride. After 20 miles, I couldn't feel my toes or my fingers! (it was pretty cold!). But the new bike helped me out -- even with the initial flat, my time this year was 1:22:50 compared to last year's 1:28:41. The HUGE SHOCK, though, was when I came into the transition area I saw two faces I wasn't expecting to see -- one of my best pals, Peggy, and my fabulous friend/ neighbor, Laura! And then I saw Bill (Laura's husband!) standing near Jim and Stella! (Gene, Peggy's husband, had apparently gone to the bathroom!). How cool! I had a fan group!

Jim had called everyone a few weeks ago, he told me later, so that I could have a group of people at my last triathlon of the season. I was so happy and excited -- but also nervous that these poor folks would be mad at me for having to stand out in the cold waiting for me! But how cool was it to have these fabulous people there at the finish line!

I couldn't say much, as you might guess, as I had to change to my running gear and typing shoe laces is pretty darn hard when your fingers are frozen. My "posse" was able to stand near the fence and talk to me but since no one is allowed in the transition area but the athletes, I was on my own to make the transition to running. After what seemed like too long, I started the run and the first mile was hell. There is just no other way to describe it. My feet felt like frozen blocks and I couldn't even feel my ankles.

But then after a tough 4.5 miles, I stumbled across the finish line to find even more familiar faces! (with a time of 46:46 compared to last year's 47:58) Jim and Chan brought their fantastic five year old Odessa and their puppy Winslow, and my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Mike were there, and moments later we were joined by my Uncle Ray and his grandson (my cousin) little Noah. I don't know if these folks know how much that meant to me. It was so cool to see all these folks there, telling me what a good job I had done! :D

That's me in the green shirt coming into the finish chute!

So I have goals for next year -- more practice with running after biking (that part gets me every single time!) and more serious work on swimming (my slowest component). Next year I also want to try an outdoor tri that includes an open-water swim. That scares me more than anything but I want to give it a shot!

And as a fabulous bonus, I bumped into Melissa, the great runner from the Millstadt Biathlon, who helped me finish! She is so nice -- I hope we can run together some more! It is always easier when you have someone to train with! :D


I want to make these folks at Fleet Feet proud! They have helped me so much in all my athletic endeavors!

Friday Afternoon Musing

Damn. I was really hoping to get up early this morning and go for a run but that did not happen! But ... I did manage to get up twice this week at 5 AM so I guess that is an improvement! This has been a busy week -- but don't I say that all the time? I am doing this new little activity in my research classes (in an effort to make the research projects better and more exciting/ interesting for the students) but it requires me to do a ton more work. In a nutshell, there is always a constant flow of papers between me and the students -- so I can help them stay on track and nip any problems in the bud ASAP. Here is an example of just one of the exercises the ENG 102 students have done in the last couple of days: students always tell me that they know how to Google, how to search the internet for information (stuff outside of the academic electronic databases). But I don't think this is always true. So students had to use a search engine to find relevant information for their ongoing projects. If they couldn't find anything, they had to tell me what search terms they had used. As I am looking through their responses yesterday, I discovered exactly what I suspected. Most of them said there was nothing on the internet. And I find it's usually the search terms that are to blame!

For example, one student was looking for information on the families of drunk drivers. She is doing research on being the wife of someone arrested for a DUI and how the media/news/etc never talks about the problems that her family is now having (financial, etc) as a result of her husband's DUI (which she doesn't excuse at all). She searched all over the internet and found nothing. And of course she is going to have trouble using search terms like "DUI" and "victim" and "affect." But if she had used a search phrase like "drunk driver's family" (both with and without the quotation marks) there is a bunch of stuff related to her topic! So that is what I am trying to teach these "young" folks -- how to play with search terms and find information.

I have about 60 students in three ENG 102 classes so it took me awhile to go through their projects and then help the ones who were struggling with the search terms they were using. As you might imagine, that took awhile. But I needed to get these back to my students today (they just gave them to me on Wed) so I can continue the flow of dialog between us -- and they can work on the next piece of the puzzle (using the electronic databases via the SWIC Library to do the same thing).

No huge plans for the weekend but I do have my last outdoor triathlon of the season on Sunday (over at the St Peter's Rec Plex). We swim inside (and I will be curious to see if my swimming lessons will help me!) and then bike about 22 miles outside and then about 5 miles of running (also outside). I did this same exact course last fall so I will be curious to see if my time is faster (esp. with the new bike). The good part is that I signed up months ago so I have a great start time -- about 16 minutes after the official green light starts. I've done this this event before and been one of the last folks in the water and then, by the time I go across the finish line, everyone is gone. If I work hard during the race, I should finish with folks still milling about! And I just hope to the great spirit in the sky that it is NOT raining! The last race I did (about 2-3 weeks ago) was a soggy mess and I want to really try and push my bike (which I don't feel comfortable doing since I am terrified that I am going to slip!).

A Relaxing Weekend!

Well, I didn't get everything done this weekend that I wanted to get done -- namely, reading a whole bunch of summaries and responses from my ENG 102 sections. But I did get a chance to relax a bit which is something I don't do nearly enough of! I know my students are going to want their work back tomorrow but they will just have to wait another day or two. I always make sure folks get their papers back within a week so I am still safe since these students just submitted their work on Friday (but I know they are waiting for my comments since the next part of their research is due late this next week -- so I will make sure to get them back on Wednesday).

Yesterday afternoon we took advantage of the great weather and took Stella over to Queeny Park -- we managed to get in about 3-ish miles of walking and Stella got to play in her favorite pond.

And then last night, we popped over to the "Taste of St Louis" event here in downtown St Louis and munched on some yummy food with some pals (and we even got a sneak peek inside the new Peabody Opera House which I suspect is going to give the Fox Theater a run for its money! Click here to get more information on the Peabody). Jim and I went back to the "Taste of St Louis" for lunch this afternoon after spending an entire morning in a bike repair class at Urban Shark (a spin off of the popular Urban Shark store on Delmar in the Loop). Brian, our instructor, taught us how to change a tire and I did it over and over again this morning so I am feeling pretty good right now about my ability to do this once I am on the tri course (and this has been one of my biggest fears!). By the time we left the class, I decided to get some work done on my bike which Brian said that could finish in just an hour or two -- get a new chain on my bike (since mine was a little stretched out) and get my handlebars wrapped in new tape (the original tape was white and it was pretty dirty looking). They also took off the mirror that has been bugging me when I ride so now my bicycle is all ready for the upcoming St Peter's Rex Plex Fall Triathlon next Sunday (I also went ahead and picked up the equipment I would need to fix a flat on my own, including two extra tubes).

After walking around the "Taste of St Louis" (and consuming a HUGE cupcake from "The Cup," my favorite bakery over in the Central West End), we decided to run by our place and pick up Stella and take her over to Eckert's Farm (in Belleville, IL) and pick up some freshly picked apples. Yummy! I got a ton of apples, some fresh plums, and huge container of apple cider (OK, and a bottle of wine but that is already gone!).

So I am feeling okay but I admit there is a part of me that is still a little sad. I am guessing that my co-workers on the other campuses didn't know how much I wanted this because I haven't really heard from anyone. So this was my bad -- I guess I needed to be more vocal that I had decided that being a department chair was something I wanted to do (honestly, after being sort of talked into it originally). I didn't think to "campaign" or to let my wonderful colleagues know that I wanted to do this, that I wanted to change campuses and take on a new challenge. So I suppose if I have learned anything from this adventure it is that I need to be more pro-active. I need to not just go along with the flow.

I am not sure what is going to happen in future gatherings. I am still awfully embarrassed about the whole thing (maybe I shouldn't be but someone beating me who has worked only a few years compared to my 12+ -- and program responsibilities -- hurts a bit). I am not saying that I am "all that" (and I am sure the person who won will do a fantastic job) but I just thought that this was the next step for me -- I wanted it. Perhaps I just need to get over the whole thing but it still feels like I was pushed to the side and I am not sure what I did wrong.

Sunny Saturday

How can it be almost the end of September already?! But -- it is a sunny, beautiful Saturday outside (but only maybe in the low 60's) and Jim and I are going to take Stella out for a walk in just a little while at Castlewood State Park (just a little southwest of downtown St Louis). I slept really well last night -- something that hasn't always been happening recently -- and was even pretty wide awake when I worked/ volunteered at the Hope Clinic for Women here in Granite City (I am actually in my office right now finishing up some paperwork that needed to be done -- but no fears! I will be leaving soon!). We had a busy morning but I always feel like I am helping the staff more on mornings like this and that makes me feel good! I have some papers to grade for my ENG 102 students (summaries and responses) and some reading to do for my Non-Western Literature class (they are reading Dalia Sofer's The Septembers of of Shiraz) but both should be things I can do relatively quickly at some point this weekend. I need to re-read my dissertation prospectice (since the defense of that is coming up in less than two weeks) and I have some more articles to read related to my research.

So I am doing fine. I admit I spent the last few days in tears but what are you going to do? I love my job and so I will just focus on that -- and my research -- and try not to worry about anything else. I had a good group session this past Thursday night at the "Transitions" (post cancer) support group (after a horrible session the week before) and realized that, yes, I am pretty angry that cancer took away a lot of the work I had been doing on a physical level -- I can't seem to get my butt running like I used to and -- when I do -- my times are way off and that just makes me feel old and depressed. But I think I just need to "own" those feelings and go on. I need to do something -- being all sad about it isn't making me feel any better.

So I am about to enter Stella in a contest -- Stray Rescue (where we adopted her from back in 2008) is having an essay contest to find the one dog who will be the "spokesdog" for Stray Rescue and be featured on an area billboard. I am not very good at writing things this but here goes! I am not at all expecting to win but I figure some dog has to and I will always wonder "what if?" Thus, this is what I will be sending in on Monday:

Why Stella Should Be a Stray Rescue Spokesdog!

We adopted Stella in 2008, right after noticing her picture on the Stray Rescue web site. I was hoping for a running partner while my husband was looking for a new “pal,” since the dog he had raised before we had married had died of old age four years earlier. But we got more than that with Stella – in 2010, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and Stella became my “cancer buddy.” She slept with me during those long days of treatment and didn’t even seem to mind that we weren’t heading out for our usual 5-7 mile runs. Earlier this year, once my treatment was completed, we went right back to marathon training. It might be my imagination but Stella appears more “concerned” about my health – during our runs she licks my legs while we wait at traffic lights and she keeps attention to any “obstacles” along the way – squirrels, rabbits, sticks.

Stella started her life on the streets of St Louis but, thanks to Stray Rescue, she has become my friend and health advocate. Not only do we run together, but she goes on long weekly hikes with me and my husband and even keeps the cat active by chasing her around the house (in a playful way!). My husband has done agility training with her and she has learned to jump hurdles, power through tunnels, and walk the balance beam. We live in downtown St Louis – above the very streets where she once roamed – and Stella is the perfect example of a St Louis city dog and stray spokesdog advocate! She is a mix of Border Collie/ Shepherd/ Chow (as far as we can tell); because of this peculiar mix, people are always asking us what exactly she is. I always proudly respond that she is a mixed breed and that we got her from the wonderful folks at Stray Rescue. Shy when we first adopted her, Stella never meets a stranger and sends a good message to other city dwellers that adopting a stray dog is the only way to obtain a new pet.

Bad News

So in just a few minutes I have to teach my night class even though I am just not in the mood to do it. I should note that wednesdays are always a long day for me -- lots of teaching (including a night class) and today I had an additional meeting to add to the chaos so I have been a bit on the busy side (this whole semester has been busy, busy, busy). The last few days have been particularily tough for a couple of reasons. I just sent back the first round of essays to all of my ENG 101 students and there have been, to put it lightly, a lot of complaints. Mostly, folks are not happy about the way that I grade (I write too much or I write too little or I point out misspellings and they already know that they spelled the word wrong). On some level, I know that what I am doing is right but sometimes it is hard to be strong about it all the time. There is, in fact, a part of me that wants to be liked by my students. Don't they know how much of my life I sacrifice for them? I buy (good) candy, I grade papers while I am out to dinner, I am always reading books and web sites to figure out more interesting lesson plans. Don't they know that I care?

And now that feeling has spilled over to my department. After a lot of thought, I decided to run for department chair and that didn't work out at all. I just got the email announcing the winner. I am positive that this person will be fabulous at the job but I guess this was a challenge that I wanted, something I was starting to look forward to. It would have meant a huge change -- switching to another campus -- but I was thinking that I had all these ideas to implement to make our department stronger and even more effective (perhaps making regular visits to the other campuses so folks don't feel disconnected like I often have; or maybe a newsletter that we can use to swap pedagogical ideas and news?). But I lost. And it hurts. I am not even sure why since the person who won will do a great job but I truly thought this was going to be the next step in my career. I work hard at being a professional in the sense of reading all the journals in the field and attending conferences and publishing articles and reviews. I am absolutely not saying that this makes someone a good department chair but I was ready for the next step (I think this is what I am trying to say). And now there is no next step. I have been working at my college for 12 years (and almost another 10 before that at other schools) and nowI feel like this is the voice of the universe saying that this is as far as I will ever be able to go. Maybe that is not true but that is how it feels. I love being a teacher but I thought I could work on my leadership skills so I could become an even better teacher.

Writing this helps (and don't we English teachers always say this anyway?!). I know that I need to go to class and do my absolute best to help 20 working adults get better at writing a research paper. Right now, the students are working on their "sand boxes" which is my (made up) word for a work space where they write their topics and research question(s) and then jot down search terms (think of a sandbox space where someone can draw and build and then tear it all down and start over if it doesn't work the first time). I ask students to open a Microsoft Word document and keep this "space" open as they start "playing with" their potential topics and questions. I use this same approach with my research and, hopefully, my students find it a helpful way to get started and stay motivated.

So there you go. That's me at 3:40 PM on a Wednesday afternoon, just before I walk into my 4 PM class. I am trying not to take this whole election thing personal but it just feels like no one likes me (isn't that a sad high school thing to say?). I need a tougher skin.

The Rainy Millstadt Biathlon!

Well, this morning was the very wet (and slightly chilly) 2011 Millstadt Biathlon. So, instead of participating in swimming, biking, and running, this morning I only had to compete in two of these events: biking and running!

Millstadt is on the Illinois side of the river, near Belleville, but out in the sticks (for lack of a better description!). The race started at 8 AM but I have learned that if you don't get there early, you might not get a (good) spot for your bike, so I was up at 5:30 AM and I got there about 6:45 AM (after getting slightly lost!). Jim just bought a new bike rack to go with the new hitch that we just had installed on our new car (the European styled 2012 Ford Focus in shiny red!). So this was my first time using a bike rack and it was so much easier than shoving my bike inside a car (often taking off at least one of the tires to make it fit!).

Once I checked in and got a spot for my bike, I decided to warm up by jogging around the park where the biathlon started and eventually I fell into conversation with two other women about triathloning. One of the women, Melissa, I actually ended up talking to throughout the running portion of the race (I need to thank her for getting me through at a quick pace -- for me! -- and providing some entertainment along the way!).

When the run portion started, it wasn't raining but it didn't take too long for the rain to start pouring off-and-on during the entire 5 miles. The great news, though, is that I felt ... well, great! My body (for not having a lot of mileage under my running shoes) felt pretty okay and I didn't have to stop once during the entire 52:19 (again, partly thanks to Melissa!).

Once the biking started, the rain had stopped so I was able to get about 12-15 miles in with clear weather but wet roads. I love, love, love this new tri racing bike but I am still hesitant when it comes to steep downhills -- everyone else is getting their speed going and I am actually being a dork and hitting the breaks. Especially with the wet roads, I was just terrified of falling. I figure with the clip pedals, it is going to take me so much longer to respond as my bike tilts and slides on the ground.

But even with the breaking, I was absolutely delighted that I was actually passing person after person! Each time I would note a target ahead of us (I am including my super cool bike!), we went for it and passed that person (who was often a guy!). And we just kept on going, even when the rain started coming down in bucketfuls! And when I say it was raining, I mean it was raining raining. At one point it was getting hard to see in front of me but I just tucked my head in and slowed down a little (and said a silent prayer that no cars were coming since it was an open course). And before I knew it -- just as I was settling into some speed -- I could see the finish line ahead. The time when I went under the banner was 2:16:17 -- a time I am happy with (I figured anything under 3 hours was going to be great for today!).

The second part of my morning adventure was moving all my wet-soaked equipment back to the car and then going back and grabbing my bike since I couldn't do it all in one trip. I decided not to stick around since the rain was coming down even heavier and I knew I was going to start feeling cold before too long (and it didn't help that I didn't think to bring any dry clothes with me -- all I had were two towels). I did have some trouble finding a way out of the parking lot (lots of cars who arrived after me had parked all over the place) but soon I was on my way and headed the 25 minutes back to downtown St Louis. Which was yet another adventure. I actually got pretty lost in East St Louis but I knew I was headed north so I figured I would run into the highway at some point. And I did! But I do need to return to some of the spots I saw in East St Louis because I am fascinated with old, abandoned buildings and I saw a few on my way to the highway (I really need to dig around for a good book on the history of this whole area so I can know a little more about this adopted home of mine!).