Book Review: "Murder Book: A Graphic Memoir of a True Crime Obsession"

 When I was in graduate school -- pursuing an MA and later a PhD in English -- I often “hid” the true crime books that I tended to read when not focused on my research.  I had a pile of Ann Rule paperbacks and hid them in the back of a bookshelf, afraid that someone might see them and think I was one of “those” people.  You know, the kind who like to read murder books.

Well, I guess I sort of am one of those people.  Anyone who knows me now is aware that there is nothing I like better than a true crime documentary or a true crime podcast.  In fact, this isn’t even something that I hide anymore, partly because it seems like “everyone” loves a good true crime story nowadays.  So a couple of weeks ago when I was browsing the shelves at the amazing Novel Neighbor, a local independent bookshop, I was so excited when I saw a graphic novel by Hilary Fitzgerald Campbell, Murder Book:  A Graphic Memoir of a True Crime Obsession.  

I knew this book was meant for me early in the reading when Campbell nonchalantly drops in the fact that her grandmother’s brother was none other than F. Scott Fitzgerald himself (Annabel Fitzgerald)!  So -- if I stretch it a little -- this is a “literary read,” right?!

Campbell’s humor is evident from the first pages and I love the style of her drawings (see above and below!).   She creates a premise for the book like she is getting ready to teach a course on true crime (a class I would take for sure!):

Like Campbell, I sometimes thought that *this* could have been me possibly (being murdered by your boyfriend).  I had this same hair and the exact same shirt as Anne Marie did in the photograph above.  Maybe, as Campbell claims, this is a reason why these stories stick with us sometimes?  What if I got involved with the wrong guy?  Or made an innocent decision that eventually resulted in my death?  As a single woman for a lot of years, questions like this can keep you up at night.

I like true crime, I think, because of the psychology.  In fact, I don’t like true crime documentaries or films with lots of blood.  I don’t need to “see” what happened.  Instead, I want to know “why” it happened and “how” it happened.  I hope that this sort of content makes me more empathetic to people, more understanding of how we work as human beings.  Even when it comes to visiting history museums around the world, I want to read about the “people” and how they lived and worked, not so much about the big political events happening around us.

And now that I am older, I think I recognize that there is an element of storytelling in true crime that attracts me to it, just like any other piece of literature.

Book Review: "Grief is for People" (Sloane Crosley)

 

“Heavy is the enchantment of places you know you will never see again”

-- Sloane Crosley

I have been trying to make a better effort at reading books outside my comfort zone -- which has recently been the thrillers that I seem to devour during the course of an academic semester.  When I saw the summary of the book Grief is for People by Sloan Crosley, I knew I had to read this memoir.  All I knew before I picked up the book was that Crosley experienced a robbery in her New York City apartment in 2019 and then, a month later, she lost one of her closest friends/ co-workers to suicide (book editor Russell Perrault).

I don’t know many people who haven’t experienced some sort of grief in their lives.  Although I adored someone like my grandmother when I was little, I guess I knew that she would die because she was -- as my 20 year old self would say -- “old.”  I was close to her, though, and struggled for a few years without her presence in my life.  Having spent almost every summer of my childhood with her, it was disconcerting that her presence was missing from the events of my life that kept happening even after she died.  Honestly, even today I miss her sometimes with an ache that is hard to explain.  

But I think it is different when people die unexpectedly.  My dear friend and former teacher, Les, died in 2010 and his death was harder to deal with because it came at a time in which (1) I was dealing with cancer myself and (2) I never thought he would have been close to dying.  I miss our calls (since we lived across the county from each other) about academics and life and marriage and teaching and my dissertation (which he never even knew I eventually finished).  He was older, yes, but he wasn’t supposed to die at that moment.  I know it sounds like a cliche, but I thought we had years left.

So maybe that is why Crosley’s book made me dog-ear so many pages.  Though she has written a bunch of books, this was my first encounter with her work.  So here are a few thoughts about her memoir.  

Let me start with the way she organizes the book.  I think a lot of us have heard of the 5 stages of grief.  A psychologist in the 1960s -- Elizabeth Kübler-Ross -- came up with the five terms and it is these five stages of grief that organize the book into five parts: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Afterward (instead of “acceptance” which I think was a clever twist in the language).  Both events -- the robbery and the death -- are twisted together as Crosley tries to come to terms with these two events.

I have personally only been robbed once -- and it wasn’t even my stuff that was stolen.  Many years ago, my husband had his car parked in our driveway and someone broke the window to steal the stereo (which was broken!).  It did feel a little unsettling that someone had ventured into “our space” so I get why that feeling can be overwhelming when you are the victim of a robbery.   For Crosley, this feeling was much worse because the robber entered her home (coming in the window over her bed).  This person stole jewelry that had sentimental value and -- while “thieving” -- the robber broke one of the drawers of the furniture the jewelry was stored in (a piece of furniture that she bought with her friend, Russell).  

So from the start, these two events get twisted together.  Once two events follow each other in the way that this did, I am sure it can be difficult to remember what the first event felt like without thinking about and remembering the second.  Crosley is clear that for most people, the idea is that “grief is for people, not things” (34) so we feel guilt, perhaps, when we feel grief for a stolen ring (because it is not an irreplaceable person).  As she works through her “guilt” about Russell’s suicide (I think like how most friends would react), she has to trace her feelings through a complicated relationship and ultimately how she will live beyond these two events.  At one point, she says “Human beings are the only animals that experience denial” (6) and we see that in action as she considers her friend’s tragic decision.

This memoir was heavy.  I have been feeling a bit down myself but I did notice that there was something therapeutic about reading the words in this book.  As Crosley says in a place in the memoir where she talks about writer and critic A. Alvarez (one of my favorite writers), “None of us is the exact same person we were an hour ago” (87).  

I am not the same person after reading this treatise on grief.

A Short Book Review: "Spare" by Prince Harry

I read the big book of the moment pretty quickly -- Prince Harry's memoir, Spare.  I quite liked this book so it was a fast read (and there is a ghost writer behind it so I am not sure of how much he "actually" wrote and how much of it is the other writer).

I have heard some criticism that Megan isn't book touring with him.  Be aware, though, that this is Harry's story so Meg only comes along toward the last third of the book. I appreciate his honesty and I have a lot of respect for someone who owns their mistakes. He has some interesting comments about colonialism which I am 100% behind.  He undeniably has a wonderful connection to Africa and to military veterans of any country.

However, I think the big reason I connected with this guy (who admittingly is making money off this story) is because of his toxic relationship with his family which I 10000% get.  It is so hard to emotionally disconnect from people who should love you for being you but ... don't.  I don't talk much about my own family relationships because it is so darn painful.  It is comforting to read about someone else's experiences and to know that this happens to other people.

Spoilers:  

So I discovered that your penis can get frostbite (of course, I guess!) and that Prince (now King) Charles seems to believe in mermaids.

Book review: Stephen Bloom's BLUE EYES, BROWN EYES: A CAUTIONARY TALE OF RACE AND BRUTALITY

Maybe you took a course in college that introduced you to the "Blue Eye/ Brown Eye" experiment made famous by activist Jane Elliott?  (note the image below!)  Now known as a diversity and anti-racist educator, she first conducted this experiment with her third grade class just after the assassination of MLK in 1968.  I have been fascinated by this activity for decades (I first stumbled on it myself as a young graduate student in the early 1990s); I even mentioned it with my dissertation and the ensuing analysis on race and language.

So ,,, when I saw that a journalist (Stephen G. Bloom) had written a biography about Elliott, I knew I had to read the book.  When I read the introduction, though, and realized that Bloom finished the book without the blessing of Elliott herself, I wasn't sure where this all was going to go -- did Bloom support Elliott's experiment?  Was this book even anti-racist?

Well, Bloom's feelings about Elliott are complicated (in a way).  He originally started the book with many interviews of Elliott and her family but, by the end of their time together, Elliott asked Bloom to cease the writing of his book because she was uncomfortable with what she saw as Bloom "vilifying" the folks of Riceville, Iowa (her hometown).  Essentially, Bloom pissed her off and she is not the kind of person to give second chances.

Let me just state this:  I LOVED this book.  I think Bloom shows a more genuine portrait of a human who is doing awesome work for humanity but -- at the end of the day -- she is still a "human."  She isn't perfect and she isn't a God.  She is just someone who has chosen to do some important work and hasn't always been praised for it.  My copy of the book has so many highlights in it (and scribbled notes) but here are six points that stuck out to me:

1,  Elliott uses the word "experience," not "experiment."  This seems like a pretty important distinction.  Page xi of the introductory pages has a whole discussion about the semantics of the language choices here.

2.  There was a huge divide in her hometown about what she did with the original third graders and what she did later with adults.  Many of the folks in Riceville felt like Elliott was implying that they were racist.  I think I am with her, though, in saying that all people have racist tendencies because we have been raised in a racist culture.  It doesn't mean that we are bad people or should be defensive -- it means that we need to be aware of what is happening and be open to change.  Her exercise was picked up almost immediately after it happened in 1968 by media like The Tonight Show and I imagine that this made local folks super uncomfortable (and later many of the locals were upset by how much money she was making with her workshops.  Sexism anyone?).

3.  As a teacher who did some unconventional activities in the classroom (even before this famous experiment), her fellow educators got a wee bit jealous:  "The experiment crystalized resentment that had been building ever since Elliott joined the faculty" (91).  There is also a lot of good discussion here about what happens when we are trying to reach course objectives via original activities: "How much leeway should the teacher be allowed?" (131).

4.  It is possible that she was not the originator of this experiment (no matter how much she claims that she is).  Pedagogy is all about "theft" in my books but we should be willing to build off of each other and give credit where credit is due.  Bloom talks about Wilda Wood and her own version of this in the mid 1960s, before Elliott's first version of the experiment.  It is likely that she read about this activity (since it was in all the teaching magazines of the time) and it got her wheels turning.  This happens to me all the time.  I am not sure why Elliott is so adamant in not acknowledging the several examples that Bloom investigated (I tracked down many of these sources myself so he didn't make them up).

5.  Bloom talks about alternative means of the "Blue Eye, Brown Eye" activity which might be considered kinder and more compassionate (page 196) -- I guess the big question becomes, of course, if these alternative routes are as effective at "shocking" white people into understanding?  As Bloom asks, is there any better "crash course" at helping folks to "modify racial prejudice"? (189)

6.  Elliott has a somewhat abrasive personality that could either make you love her or hate her.  Though I absolutely admire her work in so many ways, I can get that she might "rub" people the wrong way.  She might even have misappropriated some quotations so that they were credited to her (page 208) but I think this just makes her more human. I am not saying that it is okay to steal or plagiarize but .... it happens and sometimes we might forget our original source.  I wish she were more open to correct herself if she was, indeed, on the wrong side.

If you are still reading this blog post?  Read this book!  (especially if you know a lot about this experiment!).  I still love Elliott's work and I will always support what she is doing.  If you are interested in purchasing this book, visit an independent bookstore like Powells.

PS:  I am so glad that I finally managed to do some thinking outside of my own teaching!

First Makes of 2023!

Well, it is the first week of January and I should be working on class stuff but .... I have spent the last two days going to Cyclebar and finishing up some crafty items.  First, the "Sewing Room" wall hanging is 100% done and is now hanging on the stairway leading up to my sewing studio on the third floor of our house:

After going to a spin class this morning, I decided to try and "fix" the bag project that I started on New Year's Eve.  You see, every New Year's Eve for the past 3 years, Sulky and Sallie Tomato have teamed up to do a Sew Along.  I discovered in years 1 and 2 that it was so hard to keep up AND sew a straight line.  I would end up getting frustrated and not completing a bag that I would use.  So this year, I watched the entire thing and then started the bag on New Year's Day.  I had purchased the kit for the Sew Along and it included this amazing faux leather material that is something like $28 a yard on their web site.  I tried so hard to not mess it up.  But, of course, I did!

This was the pattern of the "bag" -- a sort of portfolio that you can use for your printed calendar and small tech items:

Cool pattern I think and, like I mentioned, the kit was pretty awesome.  Here was my end result:

I did a perfect job on the zipper pocket which used a new technique that I hadn't tried before.  The section on the right is a little crooked with the card pockets but I think it is decent.  Since this is a leather-ish material, it won't fray so the seams are not finished.

Here is a close up of the inside pocket section where I added some embroidery!

But I didn't notice until I finished that the leather strap (which holds it closed) was pretty crooked.

Yep.  Not great.  I also didn't think I had a Teflon foot for my machine (spoiler: I actually did and found it once I was finished).  Without a Teflon foot, this material kept getting slowed down by the machine when it was under a regular foot -- I think this made the whole thing look a little "rough around the edges."

So what is a person to do?  I thought about it for a day or so and then went into my stash to use some other materials to fix the whole thing.  And I am definitely happier:

I carefully ironed with a pressing cloth to try and make it look less "puckery."

I then added a much wider strap that you will also see on the front when it is closed.

                                        

I also took out the piece of elastic that the pattern called for in order to hold the calendar in place and created a wider tab, along with sewing in another piece of foam to make the planner feel sturdier in the folder.

Tada!  I think it looks much better!

I also made a few bookmarks as well because I was feeling like I needed to put off creating syllabi for a little longer today!

2023 Intentions

It is pretty normal for folks to think about making "goals" when a new year starts, but a few years ago a friend mentioned "intentions" and I think I like this term better.  Life just gets in the way sometimes and we can't always accomplish what we set out to accomplish.  I suppose I could just say that I am not setting any goals, but the new year seems a reasonable time to take a step back and evaluate how one's like is progressing.  Where do I see a need for changes?  Where can I make some positive steps forward?

So here it goes -- my intentions for 2023:

(1) Write in this blog more often.  I think I am happier when I am writing.  When I finished my dissertation and PhD a few years ago, I felt like I crawled across the finish line battered and bruised.  I was so good at writing and researching before then but .... I just stopped.  I need to change that.  So this blog is being revived so I can "write" again (even if no one reads it!).

(2)  Back to triathlons.  I just started doing short indoor triathlons as part of an indoor series I used to do when I first starting getting into triathlons.  A combination of finishing that darn PhD, a torn meniscus in my right knee, and COVID kept me from doing any events for the last 3+ years.  But instead of doing events because I wanted to be with my friends who did them and I didn't want to let them down (not that they ever said that), I will focus on events that I want to do.  So for now that means finishing this indoor series (9 more events) and then completing the Rookies and Rockstars event on Sunday May 7th. 

(3)  Sewing what I want to sew.  Since I learned how to sew a few years ago (and figured out I had a knack for it!) I have done a lot of projects for folks and I have had a hard time saying no.  And I have spent lots of money for a project someone wants and then say, "No, no, you don't have to give me any money" because I am afraid that my work is not worth anything.  I need to get over that.

(4)  Be in the moment on vacation.  Jim and I have been working hard on planning a holiday to Ireland from June 7-28.  For a lot of that time, we will be travelling with good friends and the last week Jim and I will be in northwestern Ireland on our own.  Here is a map that shows all the places we are going:

I want to enjoy every moment of this trip and immerse myself in our friends, the culture, and lots of yummy food and beverages!

(5)  Learn more about good teaching.  I think my number one goal all of the time is to be the best I can be at teaching composition.  Luckily, I (and some colleagues!) are off to 4C's and TYCA (two professional conferences) in Chicago in February and I am even doing a short presentation on "ungrading," a technique I have used with my writing courses for the last 8 years or so.  I want to embrace the opportunities at these conferences and figure out how to connect with my students more.

(6)  Be the best friend that I can be to the people around me.  I value my friendships and I have been so lucky to know so many awesome people.  Sometimes when I am stressed or overwhelmed, though, I want to hide from these folks and just wallow in my own self-pity by myself.  But that never helps in the end.  

(7)  Read more.  I am relieved that I completed the reading challenge on GoodReads but … I want to read more.  So I upped my goal to "30" this year and will try to read more genres and titles by authors I haven't read before.

(8)  Give myself some grace.  And on that note in respect to items 1-7, I need to think more about giving myself a break when things don't always work out the way that I would like them to.  Period.

Good-bye 2022!

Well, here we are at the end of 2022.  I like the fact that I am ending on a high note these last few days -- I have been on the treadmill twice recently (3 miles each time) and at Cyclebar quite a bit (as well as some yoga and stretching to boot!).  I have even updated this blog a few times, kept up my lessons on Duolingo (go Team German and Team Japanese!).   Lastly -- I have been working on some sewing projects.

I got smart this year and decided to watch the yearly Sulky New Year's Eve Party Sew-along -- I have a beautiful kit that I didn't want to mess up and will work on that project tomorrow!  While watching the sew along, I finished quilting the sewing project below and even attached the binding.  Other than hand-sewing, I am almost done with that as well!

Tomorrow:  I focus on "Intentions" of 2023!

Almost the Last Day of the Year

So .... I had a spin class yesterday and I am about to go and run later this afternoon downstairs on my awesome treadmill.  At the moment, someone from a stair lift company is here so we can get a lift installed in preparation for my mother-in-law moving in towards the end of January.  Yipee.

Today I am trying to work on a project I started yesterday -- a wall hanging for my sewing room area (I think I am going to put it up in the hallway going up the stairs!).  Here is what it looked like on the web site:

I watched the video a few months ago and ordered the laser-cut letters but ... never got around to working on it.  Well, yesterday changed that!  I decided to do a border as well.  I just finished basting the top, the batting, and the back so here is where I am now at the moment with the project:

I have been reading a fascinating book called Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes: A Cautionary Tale of Race and Brutality by Stephen Bloom.  Basically I think it is the only biography on Jane Eliot, the woman behind this "experiment" that got its start in 1968.  I promise to talk about this even more later but I am learning much about the kind of teacher that she was for young people, even more she did the experiment.  

Recapturing My Head Space!

 I am not sure what has been going on for me the last few years but it has felt like I lost my "mojo" of sorts.  I stopped writing (outside of work) and even working out didn't strike me as too much fun.

But I have been slowing "awakening."  I actually have written in this blog for a second time this month (yay!) and I am trying to focus more on doing things that I want to do!  I decided to NOT work on getting classes together until next week so that gives me the rest of this week to just "relax," something that I am not always good at doing.

Yesterday I decided to try making a project with the amazing Brother Scan and Cut that Jim purchased for me as a Birthday/ Christmas present.  I have used it for fabric cutting (the quilt I recently made for my mother-in-law) but I hadn't really tackled any paper projects.  Though the cutting of the first Shadow Box went smoothly, I made a huge mistake in the sizing and not double-checking the layers actually for the frame I had purchased. After getting frustrated last night, I played with the first one again this morning (the peacock) and managed to make it work.  I then did the octopus one in about half the time and no cuss words!

After taking down the Christmas decorations around the house, I jumped on the treadmill for 45 minutes (3.05 miles) and then completed 20 minutes of yoga.  My hope is that I start to feel better with the running portion of the indoor triathlon series that I am completing (information here).

So Perhaps I Can Try This Blog One More Time?

 I hate that every time I think about sitting down and writing a blog post ... I just don't.  I used to work on articles and research and ... well ... I keep finding myself trying to keep up on the regular life of teaching and fitting in some sewing or working out when I can.

So let me make one more effort to restart this whole thing.  It is the end of the Fall 2022 semester.  I am about to finish up my grading and submit final grades.  I am a mess when it comes to being organized and together.  I want to have a web space where I can keep links to things I find online.  I want to share my thoughts.  I want to write.

Let's Try This Blog Again!

I always have the best of intentions ... and then they don't quite work out.  The last time I posted, I was getting nervous about the delays in possibly donating a kidney to my bestie and then ... it all worked out!  I guess I just couldn't find the time to just sit down and keep this blog updated.  Basically we all (me, Jim, and the pup) drive to Washington state in early June and we stayed in Birch Bay (near my hometown) for a week+.  We then drove to Seattle on June 19 and I had the surgery on June 21.  We stayed in our Seattle rental for a couple more weeks and got home about the middle of July.  I was able to rest a little more before school started and now here we are -- about the middle of the semester!  So time truly does just "fly by!"  But I am healthy and back to normal -- and Tanya is doing wonderfully which makes me a super happy camper!

I am going to try and do better about writing here but if you are interested -- here is what a perfectly normal kidney looks like before it went to the recipient (the bottom one!) and then what I looked like in the inside in terms of my kidneys before "Ethel" left and "Lucy" remained on her own inside of me! 

Perhaps a Surgery Delay?

So I got this text message from my bestie last night:

        ... but I just got a call from my gastroineroligist and according to a ct scan from a few days ago I have            multiple hernias.YAY!!!! So I am praying this doesn't suddenly mess up this whole surgery. FUCK ...

Of course, her health is the number one priority but I will admit that I was super stressed reading this, thinking that all of the plans we have made to drive to Seattle and proceed with the surgery on June 21st are in shambles.  I know that she needs to talk to her team at the hospital and until then ... we just don't know.  But if it delays the whole thing, then so be it.  I just hope that we can do the surgery soon (while she is in better health than what might be true a few months from now).

So now I am stressed but I guess I am always stressed.  A part of me will be super disappointed if this whole thing gets delayed but there isn't any way for me to control this situation.  What happens is going to happen.  The surgery has been feeling so "unreal" that maybe I knew that it wasn't going to happen on some level?  Or maybe I am just overthinking this whole thing?

The End of the Semester!

I think I must say this at the end of every semester but thank. god. we. are. almost. done.

Whew!  Since 2020, every semester has been a little hard.  I had great students this semester so it wasn't them that was causing any of the main issues -- I think I am just exhausted to the bone and that made it hard for me to keep my motivation.  I always try my very best with my classes but sometimes I felt during this past semester that it just wasn't enough.  To make matters worse, I ended up with Covid during Week 15 so I had to teach via Microsoft Teams for most of that week.  So many students didn't show up and I don't think even one student responded to my emails.  Sigh.  We had about a half of a week left by the time we came back and I tried to gain the momentum that we had in all of the classes but I feel like at this point that everyone was tired.  Most importantly for me, though, is that all my Covid testing is negative now!

For a few days I was super worried about whether having Covid was going to impact the donation or not.  Thankfully, I didn't have a major case (it just felt like I had a cold) so I am still able to donate and the surgery will be happening on June 21.

We are in the midst of finals at the moment and I am just waiting for some more final papers to be turned in.  I should be 100% finished with grades turned in by Thursday.  Then I can focus on creating a packing list for the drive to Seattle, squeezing in as many spin classes as I can, and finishing up some quilting projects.

So Let Me Try This Again ....

 I know that is is hard for me to just sit down and write, even if I know that it is something that will make me feel "better."  I keep trying to get a re-start on this blog and .. I keep failing.  I think that there is a lot going on for me right now -- the semester rapidly coming to an end, the kidney donation process becoming very real and almost upon me, and just life in general.

So let me take another go at this.  I mentioned before that last August (2021), I started the process of testing to see if I would be able to donate a kidney to my best friend.  There were a ton of tests before I could even get tissue matched (including a 24 hour urine collection which sounds just like what it is!).  Eventually, I was able to pass a bunch of tests and in late March 2022, Jim and I travelled to Seattle for something called an "Evaluation Day."  This is a full day of appointments to meet with an entire team of doctors to verify the health of my kidneys and of me in general.  In fact, just before I came, I was sent this list of appointments.  

That's a lot of doctors, right?  Most of the tests were pretty easy on my end though the 23 vials of bloodwork was a little daunting (I have never given that much blood at one time!).  I had to see the Hepatologist which was an addition to this day that others might not have to do because of some high numbers I was showing on some prior tests but we discovered that my body just normally has higher numbers and I am 100% normal.

The last appointment was with Dr. Kuhr who is Tanya's surgeon (and I think mine?).  He offered me this amazing 3D image of my own kidneys that was taken during this evaluation day (this is just a still):

Pretty damn cool, eh?  That is Ethel on the right (my left) and she is the one being donated to Tanya.  I am keeping Lucy who is on my right (but left in the picture above).

I ended up passing the Evaluation Day and we found out about a week later that Tanya and I were a perfect match.  What were the fucking chances?!  I mean, yikes!  I am still in shock that this is going to happen and I am both delighted and scared shitless.

So .., perhaps this blog can be a way for me to document what this journey is going to be like!

New Blog Direction: Kidney Donation

 So ... here it is a month later and I still haven't updated this blog!  But I had a thought -- since I just finished up a huge obstacle in terms of possibly donating a kidney, how about I focus on that as well as the teaching and researching that I would like to write about?!

My bestie, Tanya, has had Diabetes since she was young (I think 7?) but in the last dozen years or so, her body has been giving her a hell of a time.  Last summer she started talking about having to go on dialysis soon and she mentioned the long waiting list there is for a kidney donation.  Since I had cancer about 11-12 years ago, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to step up and help but .... it turns out that you can donate if your breast cancer has been in remission for at least ten years (I think some forms of cancer keep you out of the donation pool no matter how many years you have been in remission).

So in early August 2021, I started the process.  I didn't understand at the time how long this would take.  Obviously, there were some screening calls early on (in terms of my health history) and then tests after tests after tests (including a 24 hour urine collection that was an interesting experience to say the least!).  At the time I was doing these tests, I was also getting an MRI done on my bum right knee so there ended up being mass confusion about insurance and who was getting the results (For the kidney process, I am working with Virginia Mason Hospital in Seattle since (1) that is near where my bestie lives and (2) it is the transplant center she is working with).  

Long story short:  I went to an in person evaluation day in Seattle last week (March 30) and found out on Monday afternoon (April 4) that I have been approved to donate.  Now we just wait for the tissue matching with those results coming in next week.  I really, really, really hope that Tanya and I are a match.

Dianna is Back!

Currently Reading:  Chike and the River (Chinua Achebe)

There used to be a time when I would blog every couple of days.  I even wrote articles and read academic research and ... well, I did all the things.  And then I didn't.  I am not exactly sure what happened.  I do know that working on my PhD while working full time was exhausting and in many ways I feel like I "crawled" across the finish line in 2014 and just needed a break.  I never thought the break would be 8 years but that is what happened.

For the longest time, this blog was called "Dissertation Girl" because that is how I saw myself (Yes, I know that some folks might be offended at the "Girl" business but I liked it).  I felt like a new title was in order so it just made logical sense to rename this blog "PhD Teacher."  I would like to keep the same URL and so I didn't want a huge name change (though I leave myself the choice to do that if I want). As most folks know, I teach writing and I am always telling my students that we all need to write, including me, and so this blog is going to give me the space to get back to something I used to love -- writing.

Today is the Friday before Spring Break starts and I can't think of a better time to get back into blogging (even if no one else reads it!).  I thought I would also try to track what I am reading (or even watching). 

So this first entry is a start!  Stay tuned!

Ugh. January.

I am already stressing about keeping this blog updated and super stressed and we are at like, what, day 8 of the new year?

So what am I stressed out about?  Will it help to write this all down?

1.  Whisky.  Every walk with him is leaving me in tears lately.  He pulls so hard and I have been trying to train him with words but it isn't working.  He cowers at me when I say "no" and it makes going on a walk = the last thing I want to do.  But we need to help him get exercise because his puppy-ness leaves us tired.

2.  School.  I will be teaching in person in another week.  I have no idea when I will get a vaccination and I am terrified of catching COVID after we have been so careful for the past 9 months. I always feel a little nervous before a new semester (I so desperately want to be a "good" teacher, not just an "okay" teacher).

3.  Hemorrhoids.  I hate them and I need to see a doc soon because I am experiencing the worst problem with them that I have ever had. The big issue with this is that I no longer have a primary care physician and so I am not sure how I go about getting one.

4.  Our old place.  We want to put it on the market by Feb 1 but it is taking so long to get things done -- like painting, dealing with the floors, installing new appliances, etc.  I am terrified that we won't be able to sell it and will always be paying two mortgages.

5.  No sewing.  I just seem to have lost my mojo on this one.  I start a project and then never get past the second step.

Ugh.  This won't help with any of the above, but I need a glass of wine now.

New Year's Eve 2021

 I saw an advertisement back in November for a virtual sewing party on New Year's Eve and I thought ... why the hell not?  Perhaps this will help me get some of my "mojo" back in terms of motivation (especially in terms of sewing for myself and it being a pleasurable activity).  This was a joint party held by Sulky (a long-established machine embroidery company) and Sallie Tomato (a sewing pattern company by a young designer who has really taken off the last few years!).    It started at 8 PM EST and went to midnight EST (so an hour earlier for me here in the Central Time Zone!).

What got my attention was that this party was focused on creating a bag in about 3-4 hours called "The Zelda Bag" named after the infamous and seriously brilliant  Zelda Fitzgerald (the whole event had a 1920's theme to it!).  I also pre-ordered the kit so I didn't have to cut anything out.  Access to the event was $5.99 and then the kits itself was $39.99 (link here).  With the choice of color -- beige or charcoal -- I went for the charcoal and the machine embroidery option.  And I am a bit of a sucker for fringe!

So now that the event is over (welcome to the first morning of 2021!), what is my assessment of this whole event?  Though I said a ton of bad words (why did I think sewing late at night was a good idea?) and the pacing was fast to make sure completion happened before midnight, it was a great experience (and, luckily, my admission to the event includes the video that I can watch over and over again).  

Of course, being New Year's Eve, I had to start with a drink (and the pre-purchased kit came with some 1920's themed party favors).  My computer and desk area are a part of my new sewing studio so I was perfectly set up to watch and sew:

Thankfully, there were plenty of guests (as you can see from the picture above, there is apparently a "Sewing Cowboy"!).  I was glad for this because I needed to the time to catch up several times (and, yes, the seam ripper made a few appearances!).  I didn't win one of the awesome door prizes but fun was still had during the entire event.

Sure, I definitely made a few mistakes (I am always struggling with zipper tabs and how they fit into a bag's side seam) but I like the overall look.  Here is what I ended up with:

I am not crazy about the embroidery design that came with the bag but I like the overall design and this was the first time I ever added a fringe to something.  My machine struggled a little but I didn't have time to look for a plastic foot or tissue paper (two suggestions from the host to make this part easier).  The instructions was going so fast that I am curious to make another without the time pressure.

So there we go!  I ended 2020 with a crafty project!

New Post for an Old Blog!

 About 6 years ago, I wrote my last post here on Dissertation Girl (my online blog for a couple of years).  I stopped writing, I suppose, because I had completed my dissertation and PhD, a process that was made even more difficult by a breast cancer diagnosis in 2010 as well as driving 100 miles to and from class (between St Louis and Carbondale, Illinois) for 12 years while teaching full-time.  This blog helped me a lot during that time and then … well, life happened.  I got busy with school and I felt sort of "burnt out" after completed this huge milestone that had taken me so darn long to complete.  

So here I am again, in the middle of a pandemic, trying to get my bearings again and reconnecting with the thinking and reading that had been so important to me just a few short years ago.  I am not sure what will happen with this blog but I want to have a space to write a bit more and not just look at social media posts from others and feel bad about my own lack of writing.  The timing of this corresponds to a new year (can we just get on to 2021, please!) but this is more than a traditional New Year's Resolution -- this is a sincere effort on my part to connect with the writer I used to be.  So stay tuned as a spend the next few days updating this blog and getting a new start!

The "old" Dianna who wrote and read all the time!

The more "recent" Dianna who is just trying to survive during a pandemic!

Two Book Subscriptions: Which is Better?

So let's talk books, one of my favorite topics in the entire world!

As many of you may know, there are a million subscription boxes out there where generally you pay a price and a surprise box shows up at your door!  Well, good news for readers -- there are at least two out there that cater to our needs!  I have been a subscriber to Indiespensable from independent bookstore Powell's (out of Portland, OR) for more than two years; however, I recently decided to try Quarterly, which is organized by the good folks from Book Riot.  To my delight, both of these subscription boxes showed up on the same day this week so here is a side by side comparison:

Quarterly by Book Riot ($50):  First, the packaging is done thoughtfully -- nice first impression.

Notice the the quirky book-themed tape around the box?  Nice ....

Next -- I opened it up!

Lots of papers on the top and under the papers ... books!  I see books!  Here was my first look:

Once I took everything out of the box, here is what I found:

As you can see above, there were four books:  Sarah MacLean's A Rouge by Any Other Name, Jordan Sonnenblick's Drums, Girls, + Dangerous Pie, N.K. Jemisin's The Killing Moon, and A.S. King's Please Ignore Vera Dietz.  There was also a poster to accompany the romance book, a poster that highlights why you should read romance books, along with a Young Adult pin and a pack of literary playing cards.  There was also a 2 month free subscription to Oyster Books (an online lending library).  The papers included a handwritten note (though copied for the folks getting the boxes) from one of the authors, N.K. Jemisin.  Apparently, there was a giveaway going on with the boxes and some folks got extra things -- the book by Sonnenblick was a lottery winning for me and not the usual part of the box (5 lucky readers got a Kobo Arc Tablet in their boxes!).  Looking up the value of all these things, I estimate that my box was about $85 so I definitely got more than the value that I paid for the subscription box.

I like the printed items that came with the box -- I have to admit that I might have just ignored the romance book but the commentary included with the box talks about the preconceived notions that someone might have about the so-called "low art" of romance novels (a genre I ate up when I was in junior high and high school!).  

The poster was a nice touch to make a case for reassessing our biases against this genre in general -- so I am up for the challenge.  This will be the first book in the box that I tackle!

The other three books are a nice mix -- and represent three books I did not know about.  Jemison's book is an epic fantasy (according to the commentary) and I love the fact that the letter  below(again, from the author!), accompanies the book:

The two books by King and Sonnenblick seem to be Young Adult (thus, the cute little button included in the box!) and both look to be fairly interesting based on a quick skimming of each of them.  And I love book-themed swag -- so the little pencil pouch from Out of Print (a company I already love!) was a nice touch!

Powell's Indiespensable ($40):  Each box from Powells has been something I look forward to about every 6 weeks or so.  Most of the time, I have been exposed to books that I had never heard about, authors who aren't always in my radar.  For example, though I had heard of Donna Tartt, I had never read anything by her until I was sent The Goldfinch as one of my Indiespensable selections and I fell in love (probably one of the finest modern novels I have ever, ever read!).

So a typical Indiespensable is focused on a theme, often something to do with the book itself (and because Powell's tries to stay local, the extra product(s) are usually from small, local businesses.  I forgot to take a picture of the box, but once I opened by package from Powells, here is what I found:

As usual, the main feature came with another book, an extra from a small company, and a cute little booklet that explains the entire box (definitely less paper than the Quarterly box!).

The highlight of this box is that the feature book is in a special hardback edition, enclosed in a beautiful slip box, and signed by the author.  Very cool!  This time, the book is All the Light We Cannot See, an amazing epic historical work that has already gotten a lot of buzz (see the NYT review here!)   I loved Anthony Doerr's collection of short stories The Memory Wall from a few years back so I am anxious to start reading this novel!

The little booklet doesn't fail to please me this time either!

Not only is there an interview with Doerr in it but there is also some great discussion of the other book included in the box, Leslie Jamison's The Empathy Exams, a collection of essays from a writer that so far seems to remind me of Joan Didion.  This is another example of someone I had not heard of before but my brief skimming makes me want to read more.

As you can see from the first Powell's picture, this box came with a heart shaped ... something.  I wasn't sure what it was until I read the booklet that accompanied the box -- it is a die-pressed graphite heart (I guess connecting this to Jamison's book!) that is a sculpture and a writing tool -- how cool is that!  It is hard to put a price tag on a signed slip covered edition of a book that you can't really buy anywhere else so I think $40 is more than fair for these boxes (and you help to support one of the few independent book stores left in the country to boot!)

The Winner?  Trick question -- there is no winner!  Both boxes are great and I think you get your money's worth with both.  Of course, both of these box subscriptions work best for people who like getting surprises in the mail -- and perhaps being exposed to writers who you may not find on your own.  The book nerd in me gets super excited when a Powell's box shows up on my doorstep -- and now every three months, perhaps even a Quarterly box!