Book Review: "Murder Book: A Graphic Memoir of a True Crime Obsession"

 When I was in graduate school -- pursuing an MA and later a PhD in English -- I often “hid” the true crime books that I tended to read when not focused on my research.  I had a pile of Ann Rule paperbacks and hid them in the back of a bookshelf, afraid that someone might see them and think I was one of “those” people.  You know, the kind who like to read murder books.

Well, I guess I sort of am one of those people.  Anyone who knows me now is aware that there is nothing I like better than a true crime documentary or a true crime podcast.  In fact, this isn’t even something that I hide anymore, partly because it seems like “everyone” loves a good true crime story nowadays.  So a couple of weeks ago when I was browsing the shelves at the amazing Novel Neighbor, a local independent bookshop, I was so excited when I saw a graphic novel by Hilary Fitzgerald Campbell, Murder Book:  A Graphic Memoir of a True Crime Obsession.  

I knew this book was meant for me early in the reading when Campbell nonchalantly drops in the fact that her grandmother’s brother was none other than F. Scott Fitzgerald himself (Annabel Fitzgerald)!  So -- if I stretch it a little -- this is a “literary read,” right?!

Campbell’s humor is evident from the first pages and I love the style of her drawings (see above and below!).   She creates a premise for the book like she is getting ready to teach a course on true crime (a class I would take for sure!):

Like Campbell, I sometimes thought that *this* could have been me possibly (being murdered by your boyfriend).  I had this same hair and the exact same shirt as Anne Marie did in the photograph above.  Maybe, as Campbell claims, this is a reason why these stories stick with us sometimes?  What if I got involved with the wrong guy?  Or made an innocent decision that eventually resulted in my death?  As a single woman for a lot of years, questions like this can keep you up at night.

I like true crime, I think, because of the psychology.  In fact, I don’t like true crime documentaries or films with lots of blood.  I don’t need to “see” what happened.  Instead, I want to know “why” it happened and “how” it happened.  I hope that this sort of content makes me more empathetic to people, more understanding of how we work as human beings.  Even when it comes to visiting history museums around the world, I want to read about the “people” and how they lived and worked, not so much about the big political events happening around us.

And now that I am older, I think I recognize that there is an element of storytelling in true crime that attracts me to it, just like any other piece of literature.

Book Review: "Grief is for People" (Sloane Crosley)

 

“Heavy is the enchantment of places you know you will never see again”

-- Sloane Crosley

I have been trying to make a better effort at reading books outside my comfort zone -- which has recently been the thrillers that I seem to devour during the course of an academic semester.  When I saw the summary of the book Grief is for People by Sloan Crosley, I knew I had to read this memoir.  All I knew before I picked up the book was that Crosley experienced a robbery in her New York City apartment in 2019 and then, a month later, she lost one of her closest friends/ co-workers to suicide (book editor Russell Perrault).

I don’t know many people who haven’t experienced some sort of grief in their lives.  Although I adored someone like my grandmother when I was little, I guess I knew that she would die because she was -- as my 20 year old self would say -- “old.”  I was close to her, though, and struggled for a few years without her presence in my life.  Having spent almost every summer of my childhood with her, it was disconcerting that her presence was missing from the events of my life that kept happening even after she died.  Honestly, even today I miss her sometimes with an ache that is hard to explain.  

But I think it is different when people die unexpectedly.  My dear friend and former teacher, Les, died in 2010 and his death was harder to deal with because it came at a time in which (1) I was dealing with cancer myself and (2) I never thought he would have been close to dying.  I miss our calls (since we lived across the county from each other) about academics and life and marriage and teaching and my dissertation (which he never even knew I eventually finished).  He was older, yes, but he wasn’t supposed to die at that moment.  I know it sounds like a cliche, but I thought we had years left.

So maybe that is why Crosley’s book made me dog-ear so many pages.  Though she has written a bunch of books, this was my first encounter with her work.  So here are a few thoughts about her memoir.  

Let me start with the way she organizes the book.  I think a lot of us have heard of the 5 stages of grief.  A psychologist in the 1960s -- Elizabeth Kübler-Ross -- came up with the five terms and it is these five stages of grief that organize the book into five parts: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Afterward (instead of “acceptance” which I think was a clever twist in the language).  Both events -- the robbery and the death -- are twisted together as Crosley tries to come to terms with these two events.

I have personally only been robbed once -- and it wasn’t even my stuff that was stolen.  Many years ago, my husband had his car parked in our driveway and someone broke the window to steal the stereo (which was broken!).  It did feel a little unsettling that someone had ventured into “our space” so I get why that feeling can be overwhelming when you are the victim of a robbery.   For Crosley, this feeling was much worse because the robber entered her home (coming in the window over her bed).  This person stole jewelry that had sentimental value and -- while “thieving” -- the robber broke one of the drawers of the furniture the jewelry was stored in (a piece of furniture that she bought with her friend, Russell).  

So from the start, these two events get twisted together.  Once two events follow each other in the way that this did, I am sure it can be difficult to remember what the first event felt like without thinking about and remembering the second.  Crosley is clear that for most people, the idea is that “grief is for people, not things” (34) so we feel guilt, perhaps, when we feel grief for a stolen ring (because it is not an irreplaceable person).  As she works through her “guilt” about Russell’s suicide (I think like how most friends would react), she has to trace her feelings through a complicated relationship and ultimately how she will live beyond these two events.  At one point, she says “Human beings are the only animals that experience denial” (6) and we see that in action as she considers her friend’s tragic decision.

This memoir was heavy.  I have been feeling a bit down myself but I did notice that there was something therapeutic about reading the words in this book.  As Crosley says in a place in the memoir where she talks about writer and critic A. Alvarez (one of my favorite writers), “None of us is the exact same person we were an hour ago” (87).  

I am not the same person after reading this treatise on grief.

A Short Book Review: "Spare" by Prince Harry

I read the big book of the moment pretty quickly -- Prince Harry's memoir, Spare.  I quite liked this book so it was a fast read (and there is a ghost writer behind it so I am not sure of how much he "actually" wrote and how much of it is the other writer).

I have heard some criticism that Megan isn't book touring with him.  Be aware, though, that this is Harry's story so Meg only comes along toward the last third of the book. I appreciate his honesty and I have a lot of respect for someone who owns their mistakes. He has some interesting comments about colonialism which I am 100% behind.  He undeniably has a wonderful connection to Africa and to military veterans of any country.

However, I think the big reason I connected with this guy (who admittingly is making money off this story) is because of his toxic relationship with his family which I 10000% get.  It is so hard to emotionally disconnect from people who should love you for being you but ... don't.  I don't talk much about my own family relationships because it is so darn painful.  It is comforting to read about someone else's experiences and to know that this happens to other people.

Spoilers:  

So I discovered that your penis can get frostbite (of course, I guess!) and that Prince (now King) Charles seems to believe in mermaids.

Book review: Stephen Bloom's BLUE EYES, BROWN EYES: A CAUTIONARY TALE OF RACE AND BRUTALITY

Maybe you took a course in college that introduced you to the "Blue Eye/ Brown Eye" experiment made famous by activist Jane Elliott?  (note the image below!)  Now known as a diversity and anti-racist educator, she first conducted this experiment with her third grade class just after the assassination of MLK in 1968.  I have been fascinated by this activity for decades (I first stumbled on it myself as a young graduate student in the early 1990s); I even mentioned it with my dissertation and the ensuing analysis on race and language.

So ,,, when I saw that a journalist (Stephen G. Bloom) had written a biography about Elliott, I knew I had to read the book.  When I read the introduction, though, and realized that Bloom finished the book without the blessing of Elliott herself, I wasn't sure where this all was going to go -- did Bloom support Elliott's experiment?  Was this book even anti-racist?

Well, Bloom's feelings about Elliott are complicated (in a way).  He originally started the book with many interviews of Elliott and her family but, by the end of their time together, Elliott asked Bloom to cease the writing of his book because she was uncomfortable with what she saw as Bloom "vilifying" the folks of Riceville, Iowa (her hometown).  Essentially, Bloom pissed her off and she is not the kind of person to give second chances.

Let me just state this:  I LOVED this book.  I think Bloom shows a more genuine portrait of a human who is doing awesome work for humanity but -- at the end of the day -- she is still a "human."  She isn't perfect and she isn't a God.  She is just someone who has chosen to do some important work and hasn't always been praised for it.  My copy of the book has so many highlights in it (and scribbled notes) but here are six points that stuck out to me:

1,  Elliott uses the word "experience," not "experiment."  This seems like a pretty important distinction.  Page xi of the introductory pages has a whole discussion about the semantics of the language choices here.

2.  There was a huge divide in her hometown about what she did with the original third graders and what she did later with adults.  Many of the folks in Riceville felt like Elliott was implying that they were racist.  I think I am with her, though, in saying that all people have racist tendencies because we have been raised in a racist culture.  It doesn't mean that we are bad people or should be defensive -- it means that we need to be aware of what is happening and be open to change.  Her exercise was picked up almost immediately after it happened in 1968 by media like The Tonight Show and I imagine that this made local folks super uncomfortable (and later many of the locals were upset by how much money she was making with her workshops.  Sexism anyone?).

3.  As a teacher who did some unconventional activities in the classroom (even before this famous experiment), her fellow educators got a wee bit jealous:  "The experiment crystalized resentment that had been building ever since Elliott joined the faculty" (91).  There is also a lot of good discussion here about what happens when we are trying to reach course objectives via original activities: "How much leeway should the teacher be allowed?" (131).

4.  It is possible that she was not the originator of this experiment (no matter how much she claims that she is).  Pedagogy is all about "theft" in my books but we should be willing to build off of each other and give credit where credit is due.  Bloom talks about Wilda Wood and her own version of this in the mid 1960s, before Elliott's first version of the experiment.  It is likely that she read about this activity (since it was in all the teaching magazines of the time) and it got her wheels turning.  This happens to me all the time.  I am not sure why Elliott is so adamant in not acknowledging the several examples that Bloom investigated (I tracked down many of these sources myself so he didn't make them up).

5.  Bloom talks about alternative means of the "Blue Eye, Brown Eye" activity which might be considered kinder and more compassionate (page 196) -- I guess the big question becomes, of course, if these alternative routes are as effective at "shocking" white people into understanding?  As Bloom asks, is there any better "crash course" at helping folks to "modify racial prejudice"? (189)

6.  Elliott has a somewhat abrasive personality that could either make you love her or hate her.  Though I absolutely admire her work in so many ways, I can get that she might "rub" people the wrong way.  She might even have misappropriated some quotations so that they were credited to her (page 208) but I think this just makes her more human. I am not saying that it is okay to steal or plagiarize but .... it happens and sometimes we might forget our original source.  I wish she were more open to correct herself if she was, indeed, on the wrong side.

If you are still reading this blog post?  Read this book!  (especially if you know a lot about this experiment!).  I still love Elliott's work and I will always support what she is doing.  If you are interested in purchasing this book, visit an independent bookstore like Powells.

PS:  I am so glad that I finally managed to do some thinking outside of my own teaching!

First Makes of 2023!

Well, it is the first week of January and I should be working on class stuff but .... I have spent the last two days going to Cyclebar and finishing up some crafty items.  First, the "Sewing Room" wall hanging is 100% done and is now hanging on the stairway leading up to my sewing studio on the third floor of our house:

After going to a spin class this morning, I decided to try and "fix" the bag project that I started on New Year's Eve.  You see, every New Year's Eve for the past 3 years, Sulky and Sallie Tomato have teamed up to do a Sew Along.  I discovered in years 1 and 2 that it was so hard to keep up AND sew a straight line.  I would end up getting frustrated and not completing a bag that I would use.  So this year, I watched the entire thing and then started the bag on New Year's Day.  I had purchased the kit for the Sew Along and it included this amazing faux leather material that is something like $28 a yard on their web site.  I tried so hard to not mess it up.  But, of course, I did!

This was the pattern of the "bag" -- a sort of portfolio that you can use for your printed calendar and small tech items:

Cool pattern I think and, like I mentioned, the kit was pretty awesome.  Here was my end result:

I did a perfect job on the zipper pocket which used a new technique that I hadn't tried before.  The section on the right is a little crooked with the card pockets but I think it is decent.  Since this is a leather-ish material, it won't fray so the seams are not finished.

Here is a close up of the inside pocket section where I added some embroidery!

But I didn't notice until I finished that the leather strap (which holds it closed) was pretty crooked.

Yep.  Not great.  I also didn't think I had a Teflon foot for my machine (spoiler: I actually did and found it once I was finished).  Without a Teflon foot, this material kept getting slowed down by the machine when it was under a regular foot -- I think this made the whole thing look a little "rough around the edges."

So what is a person to do?  I thought about it for a day or so and then went into my stash to use some other materials to fix the whole thing.  And I am definitely happier:

I carefully ironed with a pressing cloth to try and make it look less "puckery."

I then added a much wider strap that you will also see on the front when it is closed.

                                        

I also took out the piece of elastic that the pattern called for in order to hold the calendar in place and created a wider tab, along with sewing in another piece of foam to make the planner feel sturdier in the folder.

Tada!  I think it looks much better!

I also made a few bookmarks as well because I was feeling like I needed to put off creating syllabi for a little longer today!

2023 Intentions

It is pretty normal for folks to think about making "goals" when a new year starts, but a few years ago a friend mentioned "intentions" and I think I like this term better.  Life just gets in the way sometimes and we can't always accomplish what we set out to accomplish.  I suppose I could just say that I am not setting any goals, but the new year seems a reasonable time to take a step back and evaluate how one's like is progressing.  Where do I see a need for changes?  Where can I make some positive steps forward?

So here it goes -- my intentions for 2023:

(1) Write in this blog more often.  I think I am happier when I am writing.  When I finished my dissertation and PhD a few years ago, I felt like I crawled across the finish line battered and bruised.  I was so good at writing and researching before then but .... I just stopped.  I need to change that.  So this blog is being revived so I can "write" again (even if no one reads it!).

(2)  Back to triathlons.  I just started doing short indoor triathlons as part of an indoor series I used to do when I first starting getting into triathlons.  A combination of finishing that darn PhD, a torn meniscus in my right knee, and COVID kept me from doing any events for the last 3+ years.  But instead of doing events because I wanted to be with my friends who did them and I didn't want to let them down (not that they ever said that), I will focus on events that I want to do.  So for now that means finishing this indoor series (9 more events) and then completing the Rookies and Rockstars event on Sunday May 7th. 

(3)  Sewing what I want to sew.  Since I learned how to sew a few years ago (and figured out I had a knack for it!) I have done a lot of projects for folks and I have had a hard time saying no.  And I have spent lots of money for a project someone wants and then say, "No, no, you don't have to give me any money" because I am afraid that my work is not worth anything.  I need to get over that.

(4)  Be in the moment on vacation.  Jim and I have been working hard on planning a holiday to Ireland from June 7-28.  For a lot of that time, we will be travelling with good friends and the last week Jim and I will be in northwestern Ireland on our own.  Here is a map that shows all the places we are going:

I want to enjoy every moment of this trip and immerse myself in our friends, the culture, and lots of yummy food and beverages!

(5)  Learn more about good teaching.  I think my number one goal all of the time is to be the best I can be at teaching composition.  Luckily, I (and some colleagues!) are off to 4C's and TYCA (two professional conferences) in Chicago in February and I am even doing a short presentation on "ungrading," a technique I have used with my writing courses for the last 8 years or so.  I want to embrace the opportunities at these conferences and figure out how to connect with my students more.

(6)  Be the best friend that I can be to the people around me.  I value my friendships and I have been so lucky to know so many awesome people.  Sometimes when I am stressed or overwhelmed, though, I want to hide from these folks and just wallow in my own self-pity by myself.  But that never helps in the end.  

(7)  Read more.  I am relieved that I completed the reading challenge on GoodReads but … I want to read more.  So I upped my goal to "30" this year and will try to read more genres and titles by authors I haven't read before.

(8)  Give myself some grace.  And on that note in respect to items 1-7, I need to think more about giving myself a break when things don't always work out the way that I would like them to.  Period.

Good-bye 2022!

Well, here we are at the end of 2022.  I like the fact that I am ending on a high note these last few days -- I have been on the treadmill twice recently (3 miles each time) and at Cyclebar quite a bit (as well as some yoga and stretching to boot!).  I have even updated this blog a few times, kept up my lessons on Duolingo (go Team German and Team Japanese!).   Lastly -- I have been working on some sewing projects.

I got smart this year and decided to watch the yearly Sulky New Year's Eve Party Sew-along -- I have a beautiful kit that I didn't want to mess up and will work on that project tomorrow!  While watching the sew along, I finished quilting the sewing project below and even attached the binding.  Other than hand-sewing, I am almost done with that as well!

Tomorrow:  I focus on "Intentions" of 2023!